hope

What accounts for this hopeful feeling that fills me today?  Crazy consolation.  I feel as though dreams might really come true. What a wonderful God-feeling.

I can't sleep

Tonight I enter into the Paschal Mystery as I once again mourn the death of a dream, as the steampunk incarnation of Live Wired Coffeehouse which was to be at The Whistle Stop appears to be laid to rest.  Jesus Christ, draw me close to you in the fellowship of our sufferings and give me the strength to dream another dream.

Strange Dream of Nouwen

In his Genesee Diary, Henri Nouwen records a dream about Thomas Merton that he found significant.  I had a dream last night that is perhaps insignificant, about Henri Nouwen.

It seems we (fellow students and I) were at a campground for one of our yearly residencies for our Masters program. Henri was our teacher. The dream opens in the cafeteria where I was having a conversation over lunch with my former youth pastor, Nancy.  She has her PhD and has been teaching at the university level.  She apparently was teaching for Spring Arbor, as she was at our residency.    She was challenging me about the rigor of our program. It seemed that my thoughts in our discussion were unenlightened because I hadn't been around academia at one of the top schools. She seemed to think I was more cut out for Yale and was disappointed that I was in this program.  I defended my decision telling the story about how and why I came to the Masters in Spiritual Formation and Leadership.  I touted some lofty goal that SAU had for becoming a top tier regional center for learning.  She just gave me this quizzical look.

Nothing but laziness

I had a dream last night that we were moving (that in itself is a recurring nightmare), and there was so much left to load and pack and the bus and trailer was already full. I wasn't really participating in the action of my dream anymore, I was overwhelmed, unmotivated and lethargic. That is just how I feel today. I noted last night my lack of drive to do my homework. I seem to be acting more like I did my first years in college or in high school when I didn't care if I did any homework. Alas could I really revert to that?

I feel like I am falling behind and hope is lost for a good performance. Perhaps I need a break.

Taking over the world

I had a dream last night where I was conspiring with some others to take over the world. The discussion started with creating an advertisement for a product every one would want to buy, but the product didn't really exist. Rather their intense desire that could not be fulfilled would render their will ours. Then we thought of creating a wave generator on Antarctica that would hijack the waves of every broadcast radio and TV implanting a subliminal message. When we controlled the world we could finally create a just distribution of wealth. We just had to conspire to supplant the sinful nature of humanity.

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius begin with a focus on sin in the world. Can we choose to meditate on the injustice and sin that controls this world? Can we look with unblinking eye at our own sin and the systems that we participate in? Can we do this with out hopeless despair and condemnation, but rather find in it the grace of God to live and supplant the system of this world?

Brackely suggests that the role of spiritual formation espoused by the exercises are to bring us into the Reign of God (The Call to Discernment 26). As Dallas Willard notes, this is a Divine Conspiracy to bring the world into the kingdom of God.

All of the great roles of the director as listener, mediator, doctor and the rest my friends and mentors in this class all come down to one thing, making the Kingdom and the King real in the lives and practice of the directees. It is the selfless subversion of the greatest order.

Perhaps being a spiritual director is like being Che Guevara to some one, inspiring them to the revolution, or that could just be the ad for the proletariat green viva barista t-shirt talking!

Missions Statement

My mission is to Glorify God and enjoy him forever, ministering to and making disciples of my family and the families of my church, community, and world.

I dream of my future. I imagine the steps I can take to Glorify God and to minister and wait on him for the cues.

I also recognize that his primary way to minister through me is by transforming me. I focus first and foremost on glorifying and enjoying him. He is my love and my life. May I ever draw closer to you my Dearest one!

He has placed in my heart a great desire to build relationships with people that will have the intimacy of family. He has called me to extend the intimacy of my dearest to them. This is a difficult call for me, though I want nothing more and with my whole being.

He has also graced me with a desire to lead children into the depths of his abundant life. My greatest privilege is to work with him to make disciples of my children Ella and Foster, along the dearest wife he could have given me.

He has made me a pastor, so I imagine myself bringing children and families in my church and community to be apprentices of the master of my heart.

He has also opened my eyes to the spiritual needs of children around the world. I relish my reverie when I imagine working on a PhD in cultural anthropology, transforming my mind to learn how to best bring about spiritual formation intergenerationally across culture. I imagine myself living on coffee plantations around the world as I learn how spiritual formation is done in those cultures. I imagine myself later teaching indigenous pastors how to best address the spiritual needs of children and their families.

I also secretly dream of one day doing nothing more than running a coffeehouse and acting as spiritual director. Perhaps one day...

Dreams

I can dream vast worlds apart
I can dream power and glory and warmth
I can dream to the highest heaven
I can dream and flail and fall

You can dream vast worlds - they form
You can dream and every image reigns all glory
You can dream the tiniest atom
You can dream and save a soul

Your dreams are the tissue and sinew of creativity
My dreams are creature crying to be like creator
Your dreams are wonder and adventure to me
Dream your dreams in my head