For the Love of Elaine

Do you know how much I love you?
Does my embrace speak sweetness?
Do my caresses convey love's depth?
Do my kisses whisper my heart's beat?
Does my goofy love struck grin give you an inkling
As my tears start trickling?
My love for you is a honeyed tickle
My love for you makes bottomless my heart
It is sweet to me as communion wine
And as mystical as the bread

submission

My wife is really good at making me do things that are difficult for me to do. Twice this week I have had to submit to her in things that I had no great desire to do. In both cases she told me what I needed to do. I am afraid my initial response was irritation and rudeness, but as I sat there in the silence of her anger, I realized that I needed the discipline of submission today. I needed to serve and she was making sure that I did. O God help me to always understand your whispered calls to service and when I miss it, allow me to hear the not so whispered reminders coming from Elaine!

Elaine is a blog superstar

Elaine's blog is the 99th fastest growing wordpress blog in existence! Way to go honey, you rock.

Elaine, How I Love Thee

Music to accompany this post.

The last few weeks I have been falling in love with my wife all over again. It is like a spiritual awakening. I am seeing her with fresh eyes. I see the wrinkles forming around her eyes and mouth. She is taking on a look of maturity, and it matches her growth spiritually. There is something very sexy about those lines.

I look at my hands, something I often have done while contemplating my own personhood. Coming out of anesthesia after having my wisdom teeth removed, my mom told me I was looking staring at my hands funny, like they weren’t my own. Some how, though looking at them and realizing they are my own has sometimes granted me a heightened self awareness, I am alive, I am separate from the world, the world exists apart from my imagination. Rolhieser suggests that it is this separation that is at the basis of sexuality. To be sexed is to be divided from the rest of humanity based on gender. I see in my hands today knuckles that are growing knobbier, with more creases. They remind me of my father’s hands, rough with work. I have caught myself taking on attitudes and postures so like his as well. I am maturing. I’ll be thirty this year. I am a pastor, a father, in short an adult. How subtly all this snuck up on me. How subtly Elaine grew from a college sweetheart and salacious girl into a woman.

I step back, and realize what has caught up with me. My breath is caught away; she is so beautiful, inside even more than outside. I held her tight the night before she went away to Chicago, attempting to convey through the touch, through the pressing of her body the depth of love I have for her.

I said, “I’m scared you might not make it back to me.”

“Why?” She asked.

“Because,” I said, “in the movies with someone realizes how much they love another, that is when they loose them.”

I thank God for this romance of the Spirit, for it is as much a romance with him as it is with my wife, his gift to me. My heart races even in the writing of this post, and the praying of this prayer.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Fear creates distance, intensifies distance and aggravates solitude.  I miss you more, for fear gives me a reason to long for your comforting arms.  I miss Elaine in exactly the same way.  Once again she is the model by which you teach me of your love.  I am so glad my relationship with her is also my relationship with you, Lord.  I do call out for your help.  I indeed long for your salvation, but even more for the comfort of your arms.

Even so I count any opportunity to suffer a great honor. There I find comfort also in your forever, immutability. I am but a boy in love.  O love of mine, be near me and walk with me.  Take my hand and lets take this journey together, you, me and Elaine. With such company, I will not fear.  And free me from fear. My unfettered heart will fly to obey your every whisper.  I love you so greatly.

Expectancy

(Inspired by Elaine)

Lord, I look to you at every turn. My ears strain to hear your voice in the wind. My eyes search the domains of cosmos, Earth and sky to read your words. My body calls to my couch to hear your comfort. My lips savor their food to catch a taste of your Goodness. Surely you speak to me in my doldrums, in the congregation may Spirit kiss spirit.

Lord, I cry out to you. I ache for your presence. My desire pours from my mouth. My soul is filled with longing, and I fill your ears with my requests. You lead and I dance. Your cloud moves and I follow. In brokenness I weep for your glory. I writhe for your kingdom and dance for your exaltation. May they come! I call to you every day in the congregation. May words run dry and the soul flow.