Showing posts with label Identity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Identity. Show all posts

Thursday, March 11, 2010

From Illusion to prayer

In his Genesee Diary, Henri Nouwen relates the story of a man who was a prisoner of war and was tortured.
“He was a very simple, down-to-earth man with little political or ideological sophistication. But no pressure was able to force him to any kind of confession. John Eudes explained this by pointing to the man’s sense of identity. No self-doubt, no insecurities, no false guilt feelings that could be exploited by his enemies” (181).

In Reaching Out, Nouwen talks about the illusion of immortality leading to sentimentality or violence. I can’t identify places in my life or the life of my community where this particular illusion comes in play. I identify with the kinds of illusions that the prisoner of war lacked. I struggle with illusions as to who I am, and where I fit. At my core I doubt God’s ability to use me, in spite of myself. I fall for the lies that my wounds and the enemy would tell me. This is delusion. My community struggles with illusions of scarcity, and of lack of worth.

It is comforting, Nouwen’s assertion, that prayer dispels delusion. He says that prayer encompasses the conscious and unconscious self. He comingles his psychology with his spirituality here. The wounds hidden in the unconscious self can be healed in prayer, the illusions dealt with.

Tuesday, April 18, 2000

Who am I?

Through gritted teeth and furrowed brow I examined today the thoughts, attitudes and positions of others.  How can they say things like they do?!  How can they be so legalistic, so blind, so amoral, so lost? So insignificant and yet so arrogant? 

 Why so critical and cynical?  Perhaps my brow is so tightly furrowed that my eyes are forced inward. Oh loathable self.

Who am I truly then? The more I come to the end of myself, the more I see that the answer lies in knowing my Well Beloved. These problems that seem so absorbing are erased when I see myself as a reflection in God's loving eyes.  Eyes that see, eyes that reflect with true love, true judgment. This view is startling and comforting; directing and at the same time distracting to the point that I am lost in His life - Jehovah Tsdkanu, my Well Beloved.