The Name of Jesus

This week I am experimenting with using Jesus as a mantra. A mantra is a short prayer repeated over and over until it “settles into your soul like a nest (Henri Nouwen’s image).” Nouwen goes on to say,

“The quiet repetition of a single word can help us to descend with the mind into the heart. This repetition has nothing to do with magic. It is not meant to throw a spell on God or to force him into hearing us. On the contrary, a word of sentence repeated frequently can help us to concentrate, to move to the center, to create an inner stillness and thus to listen to the voice of God.”

I’ve chosen “Jesus” as my prayer partly because I am strangely uncomfortable with his name. For some reason speaking it, hearing it, sounds tinny, shallow and devoid of the intimacy I desire and know with him. I hear others say it, or sing it and it sounds flaky. Perhaps I am jealous. I mean do they really have the kind of intimacy with him that I have, that I long for? I like to use pet names for him, like savior, master, lover, or my Jesus. I wish I could call him Josh. “Jesus” just seems so Christiany. I mean it’s not even how his parents would have said his name, Yeshua. I know, I’m pretty messed up. I guess I feel the same way about my wife’s name. It is rare I ever call her Elaine. That is for people who don’t know her as honey, or lover. It sounds funny and uncomfortable coming out of my mouth, like I am angry or something. Though I have also known how hearing your name on loving lips can be a powerful thing.

My experiment began Sunday in service, inviting everyone to focus on his name for a few moments. Then yesterday I prayed Jesus over and over as I walked the labyrinth, all the way into the heart of God and all the way back out to the world. I thought of the song, "Take the name of Jesus with you." I'd have sung it, but I don't know how it goes! Then last night as I went to bed, I counted his name on rosary beads, twice around. On the beads that separate each decade I prayed "Protect us Lord, as we stay awake, watch over us as we sleep, that awake we may keep watch with Christ, and asleep rest in his peace." All in all a great way to fall asleep!

My hope is that in praying Jesus as a mantra, I will become comfortable with his name, and more than that, there will be a sweetness, a fullness divested to it.

Time management

I admit it, I am addicted to the urgent. I tend to go with the flow, and do what needs to be done when they need to be done. I am helped by having certain routines, that I do on certain days, and my google calendar helps me keep all that straight. I have also found it interesting in order to have an integrated life I must compartmentalize. This means I have certain places for different activities. My friend Rich also taught me to transition from one thing to another by putting my hands together and offering a quick prayer.

Covey presents some interesting thoughts in his “First Things First.” I find myself mainly in generation one, which is to use reminders and list to keep track of what’s going on and go with the flow. Though I do sometimes prioritize things. I really do appreciate his attempt to create a fourth generation that flows from met needs and inner fire.

Covey says, “Fulfilling the four needs in an integrated way is like combining elements in chemistry. When we reach a “critical mass” of integration, we experience spontaneous combustion-an explosion of inner synergy that ignites the fire within and gives vision passion, and a spirit of adventure to life.”

This week has been a good example of what my time management can be like. Monday we unexpectedly needed to take a friend to another town so I couldn’t do my normal Monday office duties. Tuesday we had friends over in the afternoon. Wednesday I made it to the office. Thursday we had our grueling ordination exam. When I came home all I wanted to do was sleep. I woke up very frustrated and irritated with myself. Especially when I read my assignment for my masters. It was on time management!

There is a song by Jim's Big Ego that we ran across on a new computer, I quickly fell in love because it so appropriately described my life.

JIM'S BIG EGO lyrics

Any time I have a lot of irons in the fire I can manage things pretty well because some of my needs are being met. I feel like I am accomplishing goals and must be doing something worthwhile. When I don’t have things going on I feel like I am failing myself and God and I languish until I find some new activity to fill the void.

I just finished a summer play, “The Musical Adventures of Oliver Twist.” I was musical director and played the roll of Fagin. Practices were nights four days a week all summer. It was a long haul and I am relieved to have it over, but I miss the activity and this week shows what happens. I lose my rhythm and everything falls apart. I become frustrated, irritable and unproductive.

Last night, about 10 I went to the church to get some milk that I had left in the fridge (I was craving a bowl of cereal). When I got outside, I was greeted with crisp fall air, and a starry night sky and bright moon. I went to the labyrinth I have mowed into the church lawn and walked it in the dark. The moon light struck the tall grass and made the path a dark furrow. When I couldn’t see the path I could feel the tall grass with my feet. It was a whole body prayer, each step deliberately moving me to the center with God, and then back out to minister in the world. The time of meditation and prayer was the perfect cure for my time management slough of despond. It took me back to the fire within.

Labyrinth actualized

Last night I walked a sacred path. I walked with God. I could feel, as I twisted and turned around the labyrinth, my body grow warm. That seems to be the way the body reacts to Spirit. Even when praying for someone you can see their cheeks flush when God is moving on them, or so I learned in college.

My legs tingled, my whole body seemed bathed in the presence of God. When I went into the rosette, the space in the middle, each pedal held a different concept for my meditation. I followed a traditional contemplation of creation. Especially coming to thinking on human kind, I paused before stepping in. The pain of the fall and all our aspirations to know God flowed through my mind. There I lingered a bit. Finally when I came to contemplating the Unknowable Boundless Deity, I hesitated greatly before entering. Then when I lingered in that spot of meditation, my body felt aflame. It felt as though flames licked my hair as long as I stood there. I took my glasses off and wept into my hand.

On the way back out talking with God, I felt like he still hadn't answered any of the questions I sit with, but again he is there with me. I felt him saying through his touch that his presence was my consolation.

When I came out of the labyrinth I reflected on the community aspect of the experience. I had always imagined waling a labyrinth in some lonely place, alone. Passing people praying and meditating was a grace in itself. I watched my friend Rich walk, as he was the last. I watched as he paused in prayer, those moments were dear to me. Even sitting in my seat I felt the Spirit flood over me again, perhaps the way he was at that moment pouring over Rich.

At home as I was falling asleep I could still feel the presence of God bathing me. God is so gracious. I stand in awe of you Lord, that you would meet our seeking hearts even in the midst of a maze, a plaything for our bodies with divine consequence. I adore you, and feel a deep hunger to step into a deep communion of devotion.

[Listening to: Jesus Be Golrified - Skillet - Ardent Worship Live (04:39)]

Labyrinth

At ministerial today we had an exciting discussion about labyrinths. I have tried meditating with an online labyrinth, so I was cuirous if any of the guys had experiene with the real thing. Turns out there will be a mobile prayer labyrinth at a local high school November 10th. I can't wait.

Chuck shared his experience praying through a labyrinth that took him three and half hours. Cliff said that at a convent he went to in south Michigan the labyrinth had stones that marked the place for the nuns who found they could go no further that day. Wow. The power of God meets the seeking mind.

Ah... The contemplative life.