Resting

As I was reflecting on the structures and systems of my church, and where I could begin implementing strategy, I leaned back in my chair and heaved a sigh. Mindy Caliguire caught my emotion and stooped to talk to me. I explained that I served a small church that had no real systems in place with which to contend. I went on to relate how we’ve tried implementing classes and other creative forums to use for spiritual formation but have seen few people come out to them. I know it means continuing to talk about vision, but, I told her, I have been preaching this stuff for six years now. When will it take hold?

I could hear in her response that as she was listening to me, she was also listening to the Spirit. With prophetic force she commanded me to, “Rest.” Then she exempted me from the rest of the discussion about strategy!

This isn’t the first time recently that God has been speaking to me of rest. I spent five days in silent retreat at St. Gregory’s Abby in October. While there I had a powerful emotional response to Psalm 6:2. “Give me strength, I am completely exhausted.” I was surprised then because I didn’t realize that I was exhausted, yet I sobbed in sympathy to this word.

I find this ironic, and am struggling to understand what God is saying to me. Often I consider myself lazy! Why would I need to rest? I find myself tired often and I do sleep and nap, whenever I get the chance!

I get my class work done, and Sunday’s preparations never fail to come together by God’s grace. There is certainly a lot to do, and our finances are so tight I can’t even think about them, leaving them in the hands of God, my wife, and the back of my mind. Life is stressful to be sure, and my body doesn’t handle the stress well. Yet, is that an excuse for merely getting by?

What resting is not

I have long wrestled with my own responsibility for the spiritual formation of those under my care. That war has been abating over the last few years as I recognize more and more God’s roll, yet in this command to rest the feeling rears again. Can I really be expected to cease all striving? Don’t I already lead a life of indolence?

First I must come to terms with what rest is not. Rest is not sitting in front of my computer all day listlessly going from one website to game and back again from sheer boredom. Rest is not hiding from the world or the fears that plague me. Rest is not giving up. Those are the things that I see in my life and are excuses for me to deny myself real rest. The lie is that I don’t deserve rest because I am lazy.

Resting in the disciplines

Rest is discipline. God offers me God’s own Sabbath rest for God’s own sake. I don’t rest because I deserve rest, but because it honors God and is at its core the basis of my relationship with God.

Rest is trust. The question remains, do I trust God enough to cease striving? Do I trust that God will come through and bring the Kingdom to bear, even using me, without my striving? This kind of rest speaks to me of fitness. I long for my body to be fit and energetic. To get there, I will need to rest in the disciplines. I need to do what I know and love to do to be close to God and allow the Spirit to build me into what I need to be. This is uprooting the deep seeded need to be effective, important and great (I am reminded again here of Nouwen’s reflections on leadership in his work, In The Name Of Jesus.)

Spiritual Direction as a model

In light of all this, what is my response? What will I do in my little church to trust God with my people and their spiritual development? After again committing to personally resting in the disciplines, I must move the church to rest in the disciplines as well. We turn the flywheel by continually placing ourselves and our congregation before the grace of God to change us.

Mindy suggested my first congregational discipline to exercise is prayer. She encouraged me to put together a prayer team. Kim Butts helped me think through what that would look like. She suggested three concentric circles. In the inner circle I would have people who are intimate, like my cohort, who could pray for things of a confidential nature. Then from the congregation I need to select a close team that I will keep up to date with prayer requests, answers to prayer and scriptures to pray. She stressed that I must do this even more for them and their privilege to pray for their pastor than for me and my own needs. The final circle embraces everyone, as I give them the opportunity to see into our lives and pray.
 
Another important concept that has been reinforced time and again is the roll of Spiritual Direction. I see the process as useful as I talk to people in my church. I need to visit and explore the stories of the people in my church, listening to them and the Spirit at the same time. I need to become a covert spiritual director for my people, helping them see where God is already leading them.

Organizationally spiritual direction is helpful as well. My leadership philosophy has long been to stand back and get to know the group before leading in some arbitrary new direction. I recognize the spiritual direction process in the way that over the last six years we have listened to the church learning where God has gifted them and where God meets them.