directing self-disclosure

One of the things I've been trying to get my head around in my ministry is how to take ordinary situations and make them opportunities for spiritual direction. I agreed to teach a workshop on question asking for a peer counseling program at the high school. I've been doing some searching online thinking that maybe I'd run across what I'm looking for. The problem is I had to think about what I'm looking for. Here's what I've discovered.

I'm thinking the work of discipleship is moving into the realm unknown to yourself and others. What I'm looking for is how do I as a pastor, spiritual director or friend, encourage someone into their unknown?

Here is my hypothesis. To encourage movement from left to right, from open to blind, I can engage the person with compliments. Positive information they may not know about themselves will both build relational trust and begin shared discovery. Here are some insights I found from an article "The Manager As Conversationalist"

1. Give Direct, Honest, and Personal Compliments:
   Positive observations about appearance, disposition, general responsiveness and accomplishments are usually easy to make and well received.
   
2. Ask people for information, for advice or merely for an opinion:
   Questions are one of the most subtle forms of compliment. They directly acknowledge the value/superiority of the other person by asking for assistance.
3. Tell your associates about their strengths, what they do well and their contributions to you.
   Frequently the people with whom we work are the last to know how we really feel about them. We assume they know and therefore never share with them our feelings.
4. Identify the most positive impression people make and share it with them
   This may require developing a personal list of strength words such as charming, poised, professional, competent, warm, genuine, intense, forthright, pleasant, etc. If you are not used to doing this, it will take some practice. The more accurate you are, profound the effect.

Another form of feedback useful in this movement to the blind spot, is clarifying repetition. By stating observations about what you are hearing in what your friend is telling you, may open a new realization to him as to what he is really saying, what he really believes.

In moving down the window, encouraging self disclosure (moving from open to hidden) I think that my own self-disclosure will encourage a greater reciprocal self-disclosure. Also the use of open questions encourages self disclosure.

I think by simultaneously using techniques to move deeper shared discovery can happen. Alternating questions and feed back, self-disclosure and compliment, moving more and more to the spiritual, the inmost hidden parts of who we are together. It this the essence of spiritual direction?

I know this is basic interpersonal communication stuff, but what is a new idea to me is using the johari window for some one else, eliciting response, rather than just understanding my own side. By opening my window actively with others I encourage them to open theirs and together we share spiritual discovery.