The Name of Jesus

This week I am experimenting with using Jesus as a mantra. A mantra is a short prayer repeated over and over until it “settles into your soul like a nest (Henri Nouwen’s image).” Nouwen goes on to say,

“The quiet repetition of a single word can help us to descend with the mind into the heart. This repetition has nothing to do with magic. It is not meant to throw a spell on God or to force him into hearing us. On the contrary, a word of sentence repeated frequently can help us to concentrate, to move to the center, to create an inner stillness and thus to listen to the voice of God.”

I’ve chosen “Jesus” as my prayer partly because I am strangely uncomfortable with his name. For some reason speaking it, hearing it, sounds tinny, shallow and devoid of the intimacy I desire and know with him. I hear others say it, or sing it and it sounds flaky. Perhaps I am jealous. I mean do they really have the kind of intimacy with him that I have, that I long for? I like to use pet names for him, like savior, master, lover, or my Jesus. I wish I could call him Josh. “Jesus” just seems so Christiany. I mean it’s not even how his parents would have said his name, Yeshua. I know, I’m pretty messed up. I guess I feel the same way about my wife’s name. It is rare I ever call her Elaine. That is for people who don’t know her as honey, or lover. It sounds funny and uncomfortable coming out of my mouth, like I am angry or something. Though I have also known how hearing your name on loving lips can be a powerful thing.

My experiment began Sunday in service, inviting everyone to focus on his name for a few moments. Then yesterday I prayed Jesus over and over as I walked the labyrinth, all the way into the heart of God and all the way back out to the world. I thought of the song, "Take the name of Jesus with you." I'd have sung it, but I don't know how it goes! Then last night as I went to bed, I counted his name on rosary beads, twice around. On the beads that separate each decade I prayed "Protect us Lord, as we stay awake, watch over us as we sleep, that awake we may keep watch with Christ, and asleep rest in his peace." All in all a great way to fall asleep!

My hope is that in praying Jesus as a mantra, I will become comfortable with his name, and more than that, there will be a sweetness, a fullness divested to it.