Bring me to life

I was looking over some journal entries from high school the other day and I quipped in one that I was an extrovert stuck in an introvert's body. That got me thinking, what ever lead me to think I was an extrovert? It was a perhaps over simplistic definition: extroverts are those who are energized by being around people. Introverts will be drained around people and energized by solitude.

I find I do need relationship - it brings me to life,
yet small talk deadens me.

A good Bible Study makes me feel alive
but breakfast with many of the same people is exhausting.

Elaine's smile, sultry eyes and affirming word make life well up behind my eyelids
failing to contemplate her personhood, taking her for granted, these things drain life from my face, turning my color to black and white.

Hitting the town alone or visiting my friend Steve is a needful escape
but I don't indulge in it because I feel I must be with my family and being stuck at home deadens me.

Like, I love having a day off,
but spending my day stuck at home with the kids with out the car so Elaine can make us money deadens me.

Great coffee brings me life and communion with God (you've all seen it!)
but then even coffee is a fickle friend.

Good sexy jazz ushers me into the very throne room of God,
while, of course, pop-country can drive me out of my skin (or smooth jazz for that matter, I like it rough!).

A worship service with friends can give me a buzz
while the same worship service with strangers makes me jealous.

The disciplines are bright and shining friends
but routine and duty kills my soul

I guess all these things are a strange dance of motive, intention and delight. I don't know what I am. Am I extrovert or introvert? I find there is so much coffee I can't enjoy any more I wonder, do I even like coffee? Am I a rural pastor a big city bohemian? I guess we all could have lists of what brings us to life and what deadens us and they would all be different. The real answer to what I am is: unique. I am one delighted in by God and he has built some buttons in me that when pushed bring light to my eyes and spring to my step. How wonderful!