I have often thought about the bends in my spiritual journey and the grace be hind them. One day I was having breakfast with Clint. He was youth pastor and I was children’s pastor at what was our first church. I had been there a couple years when he came. I was describing to him the frustration I had feeling like I was constantly failing in ministry and life. I felt like I was working hard to meet people’s expectations, but was getting nowhere. Fear and distraction dogged me, and sin beset me in ways I could not shake.
“I feel like I need discipline in my life,” I said to him.
“Let’s read Celebration of Discipline together,” he replied.
There God’s grace was at work. He and I read Celebration of Discipline together a chapter at a time, taking a week or more to digest each one. Each line held life to me. It resonated in my soul in such a way that there was no doubt the Holy Spirit was speaking the Holy Word of God to me. Clint and I would talk about the depths and constantly speak of Foster in hushed and awe filled tones. Foster became such a catch phrase for our experiencing of the depths of God, that I named my son Foster.
Another event that deepened the journey was the day a man from Clint’s old church in Nebraska stopped in to see him. Dan Gruber also happened to be the brother of my friend and children’s ministry hero, Dick Gruber. Over coffee he unfolded to us the greatest thing he had learned in his lifetime, which at that time spanned the sum of Clint’s and mine. It was simply this, that the most important factor in ministry is the quality of your intimacy with Christ. That a tender and submitted heart created the tracks the train of the Spirit could run on. At times I am blown away by the simplicity of that truth and equally that men twice my age haven’t grasped the truth. By God’s grace I came to understand that there is no higher goal in heaven or earth than to love God and enjoy Him forever. And that grace came by Dan Gruber and the only conversation I had with him in my lifetime.
One other great turn on my journey came with the reading of Streams of Living Water. I quickly devoured anything I could find by Richard J. Foster. Streams of Living water lifted my horizons. Grew up the son of an Assembly of God preacher. I was Pentecostal through and through, with little understanding of the other traditions. I was even skeptical of their claims to the truth. In exploring the other faith traditions with Foster, I began to hunger for a wider orthodoxy in my own faith. I long to experience a whole Christianity, fed by all the streams and traditions that my rich faith has to offer. The Social Justice tradition began intrigue me as well as the mystical and contemplative. When I moved to Sebewaing, I became involved in the local ministerial. It has been a great experience. I have changed. My father asked me if my colleagues were making me more liberal, but as I thought about it my concern for social justice as well as my respect for my friends from other denominations comes from the grace I experienced reading Streams of Living Water. Now I have great examples in my circle of friends. Father John has taught me a great deal by his example of simplicity. My Lutheran friend and mentor Ray has taught me the value of expository preaching with the lectionary, and praying the hours. My Presbyterian friend, Rich has taught me gentleness and his example fuels my desire to be a spiritual director. My Moravian friend, and adoptive father, Glenn has taught me about hospitality and extending the boundaries of one’s family. My Methodist brother Chuck acted as my spiritual director for over a year before he retired. These dear brothers and others like them have made a great impact on my life. All of this comes from the grace offered by becoming open to the other streams of our faith.
A good day of discipline for me begins with praying the Morning Prayer from the Liturgy Of The Hours. I began my journey with the Divine Office with a longing to experience a rhythm in prayer. My prayer took on sweetness as I went from reading the psalms to really praying them. I feel the loss of the intimacy I find in the Liturgy of the Hours if I go a day with out praying at least one of the offices. Along with that rhythm, I enjoy praying the Rosary. The mantra of the Anglican prayer along with feeling beads worn by years of another’s devotion connects me with the richness of salvation history and the communion of the saints.
If it is Thursday I go to ministerial meetings and have a unique time of study, guidance and worship with other guys from a variety of faith traditions. Those times a precious to me.
When I get to the office, I light seven pillar candles on a shelf and imagine the presence of the seven-fold spirit of God. If I have some incense I’ll light that and picture the glory of the Lord filling the temple. Then I sit on my couch in the little sacred space I’ve created in the corner of my office, and center. Experiencing solitude and meditation makes my day so much more focused and productive.
This summer I mowed a labyrinth in the lawn at the church. Most days it calls me over to walk. Any time I get too excited in my study, or have to think something through the labyrinth has been a good place to retreat. My four-year-old daughter, Ella likes to walk it with me, in the center she thinks about Jesus. Sometimes my two-year-old Foster sits on my shoulders and falls asleep as we walk.
Every night, as part of Ella and Foster’s bedtime routine, we have family devotions. We read a bible story from Ella’s children’s Bible, celebrate with traditions, art, and service. When I put the kids to bed, Ella likes to pray the Night Office with me.
At the end of the day I pray with my wife, Elaine. I made a liturgy based on the night office. In prayer we reaffirm our vows, confess to each other, give thanks, and pray for our family, church, community and world.
After we pray we like to lie in bed and read. I try to keep four books going all the time, I read the one that fits the moment. Inspired by my brother, I’m trying to keep a well rounded study. So I try to keep at a book of poetry, literature, a spiritual classic and a practical or theological going. Right now I am reading The Grapes of Wrath. Then I fall asleep in the joy of a day full of the practice of the presence of God. Perfect days of discipline are rare, but the disciplines that accent my day are dear to me where I find them.
This month I am celebrating my third anniversary as Pastor of Sebewaing Assembly of God. The decision to become a senior pastor was itself a journey.
When I was six, a children’s evangelist, Curt Zastro came to our church. I was impressed that he cared for children, and in that, I heard the voice of God calling me to do the same. As a teenager I started to minister as a leader in our children’s church. As I was growing spiritually, I wanted to offer the children the same experiences. I was convinced that caring for children the way Curt Zastro did meant believing that they could experience the depths of Christ.
I remember my own powerful experiences at kid’s camp. When I was nine I first experienced the baptism in the Spirit so important in our Pentecostal tradition. I knew that if it was possible at camp then we could seek the depths of the Spirit in children’s church as well.
Then a new children’s pastor took over, and I fell into a period of doubt. The same children who had been seeking the depths of Christ with me, responded to invitations make the first steps in their Christ-walk with her. Couldn’t they understand that there was more to Christ than just the decision to follow him? Could they experience the depths of Christ? The answer seems so obvious now, but then I spent a year feeling I should opt for youth ministry.
About that time I went on a missions trip, with my youth group, to Panama. I heard several times that the spiritual needs of the children were neglected there. In the repetition I again heard the voice of God calling me back to ministry with children, perhaps in foreign lands.
After high school, I filled a staff position at my church directing the children’s ministry. As I grew to appreciate the disciplined life, largely thanks to Foster, I continued to explore ways to disciple children. I came to the conclusion that the best discipleship for children happened in the context of the family. Through my years as a staff pastor I came to the conclusion that the best way to disciple a whole family is to be the senior pastor, better yet to start a new church plant with family ministry built into its DNA. So today my call to care for the spiritual formation of children is working itself out as the pastor of a small church in Sebewaing, and dream of planting churches and one day travel
