Tear me down

Matt Moore's Tear me down provided a sound track to my prayer

Matthew 25:40 - “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’”

These words provided the basis for Mother Teresa to see Jesus in the distressing disguise of all those around her. She gave each individual her complete attention as though adoring her saviour.

This thought has combined with another to truly distress me this week. I have written before about how Ed Stetzer spoke at district council and God spoke to me in his words. He convicted me of my distaste for working class culture, my pride and prejudice. For what ever reason, God has placed me in a village of people who worked in factories, and convenience stores and farms, who shop at wallmart and use questionable grammar. I am not in Ann Arbor or Northfield. I am not an Episcopalian or an academic, though my mind and preferences might be at home there. I truly love those He has given me charge over. But can I love their culture? Can I minister effectively with in it? Or do I try to make them enlightened espresso drinking conteplatves?

Enter Mother Teresa. Her unflinching acceptance of the poor of a culture not her own strikes me. Can I? Can I abandon my self, pride, and preference to love Christ in those around me?

I prayed this after noon for that kind of love. I have never been so over come with such unpleasant emotion before, not as an adult any way. I wailed in desperation, I felt nauseous. It was like a child at the end of a tantrum who can no longer cry properly, red-faced, choking and gaging on their tears. If anyone had come into the church then, they would have thought something was not right with me and they would have been right. I’m not sure what it was. Was it my being torn down? Was it a war with some spirit who would have kept me down? Was it the burden for the people? It strikes me now as I write, the cries of agony and the physical pain and nausea were perhaps like Jesus would have felt - in the garden - looking over Jerusalem - on the cross when he said, “I thirst.” It was an utter desperation.

Oh God my I truly see only you in the faces of my village. May I see only you in the distressing disguise of the working poor. May I see only you in walmart. See only your thirsting lips in place of the profane and ungrammatical. Change me, and break me!