The ways in which I suck

It is sad that so many Christians who are mature in age do not show maturity in emotion or Spirit. I have been in many a contentious church asking, “Where are the fruit of the Spirit?” Peter Scazzero attributes the lack of lasting change in people of faith to lack of growth in emotional maturity. I agree that it is impossible to be spiritually mature and emotionally immature. In deed is there even a difference? Are not emotions spiritual? Can one be emotionally mature with out being spiritually mature?

Of the ten symptoms of emotionally immature spirituality that Scazzero offers, the one I am feeling the most right now is standing in judgment of others' spiritual journeys. I was reflecting, this week, on the roll of worship in creating a healing atmosphere. I thought about how my congregation doesn’t really seem to get into worship. I was talking with the worship leader at Kalamazoo first about her roll; she described her passion that she and the others on the worship team are intimate with Jesus. She expressed the great truth that changed my life so many years ago, the worshipers will become like I am. It was at that moment I realized the truth. My worship sucks.

I began to search for the heart my problem with getting into worship and I think I found it in Scazzero’s symptom – judgmentalism. The times I freely enter into worship have been when I trust that those around me are also seeking the depth of Christ. When I worship with my classmates on our J-Term retreat, I know that we all have a passion for spiritual depth and I can enter in. Something inside me refuses to worship and instead stands in judgment of those around me. Perhaps it is insecurity as well. In either case I have some sort of lurking trust issue that is messing up my worship. God help me! I am working on a genogram of my family that is starting to shed some light on why I feel this way.

Scazzero offers contemplative spirituality coupled with emotional health as the “radical antidote” to spiritual immaturity. I was uncomfortably familiar with his litany of things that he tried hoping that it would be the breakthrough for his congregation; we need more community, more Bible study, more worship, more spiritual warfare etc… Still he saw little fruit. I know this frustration. For Scazzero the break through would come as he coupled emotional health with the contemplative life. Now I am left wondering, is this just something else to add to my litany of things I’ve tried or is it the key to bringing health to my body? It certainly sounds like a good place to begin in my quest to better my worship – and my heart is with out a doubt the place to start the change.