I have always been pretty introspective. Yet I have been surprised the last year how reluctant I have been to look into myself. My spiritual journey has asked that I dredge up the wounds of the past and expose them to the healing touch of Christ. Times of silence and solitude bring my fears, motives, and desires into focus. With difficulty I recognize that I have a hard time trusting God to make things grow. How much can I really affect my church people, my family, my wife, my own wholeness? How can I just let go of my illusion of control and let God do God’s thing.
All of these things take an active introspection, not navel gazing, but self-discovery and assessment. It is the answer to the Psalmist’s cry: search me (Psalm 139:23-24)! Am I willing to know myself? Am I willing to let the Spirit do the work? It is clear to me that this is necessary to my growth. Why do I resist? Perhaps it is time to spend more time in solitude and come face to face with the nature of myself.
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