I met with my Spiritual Director today, and I told her the story of my time in solitude. I told her that I started spending about an hour with Rublev's Trinity, then attempting some centering. She perceptively called me out.
"Why do you start your time with Icons when you have an elephant in the room to deal with." She recognized that I had a boiling cauldron of emotions from the less than stellar showing at our missions convention. I said that I had been wrestling with God about my fruitfulness. She pushed back, "How can you say that you were wrestling with anybody?" She saw that I was reluctant to really go there in my prayer. I poked at it, gazed into the pit, but I didn't descend there to experience the feelings.
She told me that was a shame, since that is where God was waiting for me. Her advice, don't waste your time with icons when you have a treasure to explore in prayer.
"Pain as a treasure chest, that's nice," I said, but that is where God can touch and heal those feelings, and embrace the child of God within me.
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