Loneliness

Loneliness exposes my self-pity. Alone, so it seems, unaware of the love of any and blinded by pity to the love and presence of God, selfishness is visible. When we see it, we readily justify its presence. It seems to us that if no one else will have pity on us, we must pity ourselves.

What we are when we are alone with God is the inmost character. Is God using loneliness to shape me now? How am I taking it? Alone as it seems, we are in the presence of God. Do I take full advantage of this divine audience? No. And so what if I cannot hear him speak? Shall I pity myself that even God won’t talk to me? It is my pity after all that refuses God’s voice and deafens my ear. First I must give up my right to pity and allow myself to die once more. Then I will find myself truly alone.

Lord, thank you for loneliness. Thank you for teaching me through its pain. Continue to cut and prune as your remove pity and kill self so that you can live in me!

“But the fruit of the Spirit are love… self discipline…”

Pride sets self toe to toe with God and rings the bell to start the match. “It is difficult to kick against the goads.” I let out cries of frustration. I am black and blue but pride won’t take the fall.

The Spirit filled life shows the fruit of the Spirit. The fruit (love and self discipline) put others ahead of me. I need to be filled afresh. Yes, Lord, still, how? All I have are rags and bruises—the filth of self that pride has sheltered. When I see what I have God says come and buy gold refined in the fire and pure white robes.

Lord, take my rags and filth and fill me with love and self-discipline. Hands in the air, I’m tired of fighting you. I surrender. Only you can put into my heart what isn’t there.

I fear visitation and am defensive when corrected. My pride is visible. Lord I hurt. I trust it is your scalpel.

Abandonment amidst drudgeries

"I was not disobedient to the vision" Acts 26:19

Reckless abandonment speaks not to an emotional response to God's greatness, it speaks to the willful act of neglecting our own desires for His. Am I waiting for excitement to take God at this word? If he said it, he will do it. Do I live in that knowlege? Then I must be recklessly abandoned to it.

Amidst the drudgeries, God's desires and dreams are lost to our own bordom. Even still is he with us. The unchanging God is still powerful enough to realize his word in my drudgeries. Do I refuse his promise by denying that he is truly there working his adventure in my life?

Lord, alow me to see and lay hold the measure of faith you have given, that I may realize the intangible in my drudgeries. Let my goals and potential daily be guided by your ever present hand and not destracted by my ever illusive emotion.

The cleaning of the mind

Romans 12:2, John 15:3

"You are clean because of my words...."

Are my thoughts coming between me and my master's voice? Then I need to be in his word. IN order to test and prove God's perfect will, I need a renewed mind.

"If my words abide in you..." There is no room for sin scars on a mind where the healing words of God dwell. The only way for God to be glorified in our lives is to have a clean, word-washed mind. THen and only then will we be able to hear or see enough for God to bring himself glory through his answer to prayer.

In the midst of crushing failure, and seductive thougths and immaginations, I must remember the power of saving words.

Lord teach me to abandon myself on the coals of the altar. Remove from me the dross and cleanse my mind by your word.

The door to fruitfulness Rom 12:1-2, Gen 22:1-19

Again I find myself coming to the question: how do I hear God's voice? (see 1-31-98)
When God called, Abraham quickly replied "heneneh!" Behold here am I! The scriptures are filled with men an dwomen who talk with God. "I no longer call you servents... I call you friends, for everything I learned from my father I have made known to you." The key to hearing is obedience in its truest and most extreme sense. Abraham was obedient. His obedience led him to trust God enough to sacrifice his son.

Paul also heard the voice of God. He urged the Romans to offer themselves as living sacrifices so thaty could test... so they could hear... God's perfect will.

Have I thrown my whole self on the altar of sacrifice today? What is speaking loud enough in my day today, to drown out the still whisper of God? What must die?

"And my words remain in you...." Vision rests on hearin gfrom God ourselves. The doorway to fruitfullness is holding God to his word revealed to us on a personal basis. Hearing that word comes through an altar of self-sacrifice.

Lord send Holy Fire to this wet altar. Consume the unfit sacrifice of all my dreams, desires, imaginations drugeries and all that I am, and replace the ashes with your words of promise and destiny.

The key to fruitfulness - John 15:16

"I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain."

Oh to bear fruit. The excitement lies in seeing results. God finds goy and excitement in fruitful lives. He calls me to allow his joy to abide in me and make my joy full in bearing fruit. How am I doing? Love is his command and the fruit that can remain from my life. How many times has my selfless love shown me a perfect model of his love, allowing me to undertand? He calls me to take those moments and make a lifestyle out of it. This can only happen in a twisted and mangeled heart like mine as I alow his word, his presnce, his love an dhis lifestyle to be my home. I am his workmanship. He is the gardner pouring over my life. As he pulls and prunes, through the pain, I find his heart my living room.

Lord, make me the branch your artistic eye sees. Help me to know and be filled with your love. As I learn to abide, bring forth lasting fruit in my life, that we may rejoice together.

Relentless pursuit of what is best

There are times in every life when you come face to face with destiny. The last few weeks I have had experiences that put me face to face with destiny. Each experience is a point of change, but only if those points are followed with reckless abandonment will a changed life result.

The same thoughts with which I begin this dialog are the ones with which I began last night's sermon. And again Monday.... She revisits me not with sin this time but good. By the standard of most of my life that would be a joyous statement. But I have looked into the eyes of my destiny. Today I desire to know that man behind those eyes. I desire to see the same person realized in every fiber of my being. Good must take it's place. It must make room in me for best. "He is the radience of God's Glory and the exact representation of his being."

Lord, I need your streingth to continually abandon myself to your best. It can be a difficult choice to give up what is good and pleasing in my eyes for what is best in yours, but I want more than good. I want to look in the mirror and see my Father's eyes.

Resolutions
less tv
listen more

The Excited Christian Life

I thought it was hopeless. As I prayed one night, I felt discouraged, that I may never be an anointed excited, sold-out man of God, that I so admire. On top of that it was hopeless for our church to be full of that kind of person.

A moment of truth came when I was face to face with such and individual. Michelle's cousin was a college and career and shared how she witnessed to a man on a train. She had passion in her eyes. Face to face with destiny the Holy Spirit speaks. He made it abundantly clear that that was who I am to be. An excited Christian abandoned recklessly to the life of Christ. I swan dive even now into the river of his will from the cliff of my apprehension.

Lord, Fill me with your love, wisdom and fear. Lead me and teach me how to live a Spirit-filled exciting and adventuresome life, bringing glory to you. Let your spirit flow through me unencumbered as I am privileged to repeat your words to your people.
Thank you for your sacrifice and accepting me changing, guiding me. Thank you for your vision and dreams. Foible them in me and make it contagious.

This journal comes upon realization that I haven’t doen this for a long time. I’ve done some story writing but I need a more consistant devotional outlet. This journal is commenced this Friday, July 9^th, 1999.

Chris Hooton, Author

Major Items of Background:

• Jon married and moved.
• Clint is new youth pastor with 10% vision
• God has put a call to disciple on my life bringing full circle the search for who I am in Christ.

Who am I?

• A conquerer

• A discipler

• An intence Christian abandoned to his will (already but not yet)