Open to God

In Calhoun's assessment worksheet, I subtly sensed a need to be more open with God. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but there was something about her questions that made me uncomfortable, unsatisfied with my openness to God. Then today Thompson asks me, “are there strong feelings in your life that you are hesitant to express in prayer?”

I didn’t pass over the question with my initial responses. I started to go through a list of all my awkward emotions to see what I talk to God about.

• My embarrassments? Yup, Oh God, why did I do that? help me to forget.
• My disappointments? Yes, sometimes just a groan, Oh God!
• My fears and stress? Yes, O God, come to my assistance, make haste to help me.
• My awkward uncoolness? Yes. God I don’t fit in here, I can’t believe that you delight in me, but I thank you for it! Thank you for providing me with a place to belong.
• My frustration, anger, and moodiness? Not usually, I am too caught up in it. It is not that I don’t want to express it in prayer, or that I feel it is taboo, but I don’t pray when I feel this way. It is Grace that allows me to pray and when I do I no longer feel crabby so I don’t talk about it.