Friday, December 26, 2008

Goodbye Blue Monday review ****


Today I have the privilege to come home to Goodbye Blue Monday coffee and tea. I grew up in Northfield, but Blue Monday didn’t become my home until I went away to college and needed the place of refuge and good coffee. There is a difference today though. In keeping with my recent tradition of reviewing coffee shops as I travel, I come into Blue Monday looking not to simply feed my need for the comfortable and familiar. Today I wish to experience Blue Monday for what it has to offer.

For the first time I sampled Monday’s bright and yet full bodied espresso in all its naked splendor, before following it up with my favorite Americano. The espresso is very palatable, not as deep and rumbly as I long for, but it finishes well, very clean. The staff at the Blue Monday is tight lipped about the intimate fifteen-year relationship they have with their unnamed roaster.

It is the décor that to me represents the quintessential bohemian coffee culture. It has developed an eclectic mix of industrial, with galvanized steel on the walls and ceilings contrasted against smooth darkly stained wood. The walls sport collegiate pop art, while the lamps bring an oriental flair with hand made shades. The furniture channels fifties mod and is very comfortable.

The menu is straightforward: coffee done right, smooth espresso, a huge selection of exceptional loose-leaf teas. There is no need for latte art or signature drinks to attract people, just the excellence of the bean.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Another year older

I have felt lately like I am reverting. When I was in high school and first couple years in college, I didn't do much about homework nor cared much about grades. I thought if I was learning that was all that was important (of course even that didn't happen in Functions Statistics and Trig).

About half way through my Junior year in college I dropped out for a while to pursue ministry full time, thinking I could get the much coveted degree more quickly through correspondence. I went back to school with a new perspective after getting married, and did some excellent work and loved it! The new wife had to make me some cookies to motivate me to get a paper done once in a while.

The last couple classes I have been getting poorer grades, I figure because I have a propensity to challenge rules like, "If I don't post on Wed, will it really be so bad?" At any rate I have begun to accept that identity again of an underachiever. I feel half alive. This week I have found one life line in praying the hours with a new podcast. (On top of praying they are giving away a four volume set of the liturgy of the hours for promoting it, so I have been excitedly doing that... that's perhaps all I have been excitedly doing.) So, I figure one of two things will get me out of my funk. 1.) calculating my grades and becoming convinced that the damage wont be so bad, or 2.) Elaine promising me some cookie loving.

I pray in the words of Switchfoot
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to know that my heart's still beating
It's beating,
I'm bleeding
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to live like I know what I'm leaving
I want to know that my heart's still beating
It's beating... it's beating...
I'm bleeding

Friday, December 05, 2008

Nothing but laziness

I had a dream last night that we were moving (that in itself is a recurring nightmare), and there was so much left to load and pack and the bus and trailer was already full. I wasn't really participating in the action of my dream anymore, I was overwhelmed, unmotivated and lethargic. That is just how I feel today. I noted last night my lack of drive to do my homework. I seem to be acting more like I did my first years in college or in high school when I didn't care if I did any homework. Alas could I really revert to that?

I feel like I am falling behind and hope is lost for a good performance. Perhaps I need a break.

Praying together by ipod

I am quite taken with the latest tool I’ve found in my quest for spiritual discipline. The podcast from divineoffice.org offers wonderful readings of the hours. I adore their use of music throughout the podcast both incidentally under some of the prayers as well as at the time of the hymn. A bell chimes at the beginning and end calling the soul to prayer. I was reminded sweetly of praying with monks when on retreat. They pray with feeling and expression as I pray when alone. The form of prayer in community usually lacks such expression for sake of unity. Indeed the different voices praying together sounded hokey when I first listened, but when I joined them in prayer with my own voice, I joined the community of faith everywhere. It was as if that handful of praying voices was suddenly intimate to me. Then there was the silence. I was not rushed through, there were times of savoring the presence of God in our prayers together – times I do not often enough afford myself when praying alone. Having this podcast readily available on my computer and ipod will remove one more hindrance to praying the hours I find so dulcet.

Click here to subscribe to the divine office podcast

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Bjava Coffee and Tea

In an unassuming corner of an Indianapolis strip mall, across the parking lot from a Starbucks, Bjava Coffee and Tea makes its home. Its greatness does not rest in chic environs or bohemian atmosphere, but in the passionate quality of its drinks.

I came away from my time spent with owner B. J. Davis and Indy.com’s top barista, Andy Gillman with a new respect for the signature drink. Their traditional cappuccinos start with a double shot of espresso (roasted by PT’s coffee company). The shot has a smooth body with ample deep rust colored crema and the brightness of sunshine on my tongue. Add to that a balanced velvety microfoam of milk to fill a 6oz cup. The real magic lies in the flavors of these culinary masterpieces. I was so taken by the selection of signature traditional cappuccinos, that I had to try two.

The Honey Lavender Cappuccino:
This is Andy Gillman’s signature drink. “I made a syrup from lavender buds,” he said, “and added a dash of honey that comes from [local farm], JTs bees. The honey is terrific, packed with floral flavors that build on the lavender and draw it across the tongue.” This drink blew me away. Now, I am not much for flavored coffee drinks, but this drink opened my eyes to new horizons. It lacked the overt sweetness of a drink made with flavor syrups. It was more of an epicurean creation, the antithesis of a froofy dessert coffee streamlined for mass consumption.

The Shagadellic Shooter:
This cappuccino takes its root from the heart of Indiana lore. There is a 200-year-old local recipe for Shagbark Hickory Syrup that is made at a local cottage business. This uniquely local flavor is paired exquisitely with cardamom, which is freshly cracked onto the foam.

The true genius of Bjava is in the creative efforts of B. J. Davis and her staff. It is the kind of shop that deserves its loyal customers and the buzz of the Indianapolis cognoscenti.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

The Abbey Coffeehouse

An almost incense like Mediterranean spice scent stuck my nose as I entered. There was potential that my visit to the Abbey Coffeehouse could have been a spiritual experience. The counter, the lights, and a few pews looked salvaged from a cathedral. A second look showed how worn the place was. The imitation tinning was falling from the ceiling in places giving the painted clouds a melancholy tone. The decay also showed behind the bar. The vintage Astoria espresso machine (in operation at the Abbey for 10 years) looked like it could either pull a sweet vintage shot or shake apart in the attempt. On the wall were numerous certificates awarding the Abbey best Coffeehouse awards from various magazines, the most recent I saw being 2005. This was became the biggest symbol of decay to me as I sampled the espresso. The barista pulled the doser lever twice into the bottom of a single shot basket. I couldn't even see anything in there when he proceeded to tamp it with the attachment on the grinder. He pulled the resulting four-ounce shot into a chipped 12 ounce mug. There was but a trace of pallid crema on the surface of this obviously over extracted tincture. I drank a respectable amount and then opted for the house blend. It was strangely spicy with an all too bright and demure finish, the shop’s whole atmosphere (the incense quality as well as the decay) in the cup.

Abbey Coffeehouse - Indianapolis, IN, 46204-1130

Sunday, November 09, 2008

For the Love of Elaine

Do you know how much I love you?
Does my embrace speak sweetness?
Do my caresses convey love's depth?
Do my kisses whisper my heart's beat?
Does my goofy love struck grin give you an inkling
As my tears start trickling?
My love for you is a honeyed tickle
My love for you makes bottomless my heart
It is sweet to me as communion wine
And as mystical as the bread

Monday, October 20, 2008

Loneliness and Family

Today I took advantage of my week between classes to learn something not on the curriculum (though I also took some time to get familiar with the text for the next course – go me:P). I listened to a tape by Henri Nouwen called Spirituality of Marriage and the Family. Fred lent it to me a couple weeks back. It was nice to hear what Henri Nouwed sounded like. I didn't imagine he had the accent that he did!

The thing that struck me most is that he saw the primary vocation in marriage being to solitude and intimacy. The idea of a vocation to solitude and of the ministry of honoring and protecting loneliness in each other really grabbed me. Nouwen suggests we should not expect marriage to end our loneliness, as it is our seal of being destined for a greater communion to come. The ministry of marriage is to protect and honor that feeling and minister to it the comfort of intimacy. When intimacy and solitude work together, we give space to each other – we bind up the pain of loneliness through intimacy and give generous space in solitude. The ministry of spacious generosity is hospitality and we offer it to our children and to all who pass through our door that we may bind up their wounds of loneliness while they are with us.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

What makes a good Spiritual Director

The Roll of the Spiritual Director

The singular goal of the Spiritual Director is to help the directee find God in the directee’s own experiences of prayer and life(Barry and Connoly 8). It is clear that spiritual direction overlaps in scope and function with many of the other pastoral and soul care ministries. Even if the spiritual director is also the directee’s pastor and may offer council in some occasions, when in direction, this one goal takes over for good spiritual direction to happen.

Rather than a meeting between to people before God to pursue a human goal as in counseling, spiritual direction involves the meeting of the directee and God before another person, the spiritual director to pursue a divine goal (Temple 91). The roll of the director is then to observe the interactions between God and the directee. The Spiritual director has a keen ear listening both to the experiences the directee has with God as well as the stirrings of the Spirit.

“Spiritual direction is a kind of discernment about discernment” (Bakke 18). Through direction a directee can better learn how God has been speaking to him or her and then better be able to recognize God’s voice in the future. Much then rests on the Spiritual Director to not only listen and observe well, but also to demonstrate integrity in response to God’s promptings, and the Spirit’s giftings.

Spiritual Giftings

Given the roll of the Spiritual Director as a discerner, the gift of discernment is an important quality to have. The Spirit gives this gift as he chooses, but, as with all spiritual gifts, it is strengthened through practice. As we just mentioned above, a good way to practice and experiment with discernment is through spiritual direction. This is why a good spiritual director should have had much experience as a directee, and should continue to meet with a spiritual director.

In more directive traditions, like the orthodox or in some cases the charismatic, gifts like discernment (1 Cor. 12:10), words of knowledge and words of wisdom (1 Cor. 12:8) give the authority for a director to step out on the limb of offering directions. This kind of spiritual direction is not palatable to most in western culture, though it is more the pattern of the desert fathers and the Russian Orthodox staretz. Dostoyevsky describes how people would attach themselves to these elders, these holy men. When my first Spiritual Director asked me what I imagined a Spiritual Director was like I thought of Zossima, the staretz from one of my favorite Dostoevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov. The intrigue and romance his description left me with still makes the Orthodox tradition of spiritual direction the most fascinating to me.

What was such an elder? An elder was one who took your soul, your will, into his soul and his will. When you choose an elder, you renounce your own will and yield it to him in complete submission, complete self-abnegation. This novitiate, this terrible school of abnegation, is undertaken voluntarily, in the hope of self-conquest, of self-mastery, in order, after a life of obedience, to attain perfect freedom, that is, from self; to escape the lot of those who have lived their whole life without finding their true selves in themselves. This institution of elders is not founded on theory, but was established in the East from the practice of a thousand years. The obligations due to an elder are not the ordinary “obedience” which has always existed in our Russian monasteries. The obligation involves confession to the elder by all who have submitted themselves to him, and to the indissoluble bond between him and them (Dostoevsky 27-28).

To be sure this kind of obedience can be dangerous and should in now way be undertaken with out much practice in the wisdom gifts mentioned above. The only place an Elder could exercise such authority is where he or she is convinced the authority is not of themselves. Likewise the directee volunteers his or her obedience, not slavishly, but only under the recognition of God’s voice in the matter.

Listening Skills

More often the kind of direction that Spiritual Directors offer is an active listening ear, attentive to both the directee’s experiences of God in prayer and the stirrings of God during the course of direction. Bakke notes that prayer is the heart of spiritual direction, both during out outside of the meeting. Prayer is when “the human heart discloses itself to God and is open to listen and respond” (39). In spiritual direction the director is invited to listen along.
Effective spiritual direction meetings depend on both people intending to listen attentively for the Holy Spirit, which leans more toward patient waiting than active striving to hear God. Prayer becomes a mixture of activity and passivity: an active intentionality to be available to the Spirit and a passive open willingness that invites God to set agendas for spiritual direction conversations. Directees do not need to have what they describe as an outstanding or successful prayer life. But they do need to be willing to pray regularly and explore the Spirit’s invitations. The willingness of directors and directees to continue to pray and seek God even when prayer is not satisfying or comfortable is essential for spiritual direction to take place (Bakke 39).

The spiritual direction meeting is, then, a place of prayer – a place of the bared soul. Both the directee and director must have this attitude for effective spiritual direction to take place. A good director will bare his or her soul to God and listen for the stirrings of the Spirit. A good director will also have a bear soul toward the directee, absorbing the directee’s heart, prayer’s and experiences as his or her own for a time. This gives the directee the benefit of another heart to feel the consolations of the Spirit and the warnings of desolation.

This is no doubt difficult work for the director. It takes a full and constant attention given to God and at the same time full and constant attention given to the directee. This kind of presence to another takes much practice even for those gifted with relational prowess. It requires a high view of the person sitting across from you as well. “A true director can never get over the awe he feels in the presence of a person, an immortal soul, loved by Christ, washed in His most Precious Blood, and nourished by the sacrament of His Love” (Merton 34). This requires a heart that is ready to be exposed before another, not by the way of disclosure but passively laid bare to receive and commune in prayer.

Integrity

In the process of direction the director is on the look out for resistance within the directee toward growth in God. In order to be ready to receive such resistance without defensiveness and to recognize the opportunity for growth, the director must have a simplicity of heart – an integrity that rests it’s trust in God(Bakke 62-78).

A good director is quick to realize that the primary relationship in spiritual direction is between the directee and God. If the directee responds with shocking or inappropriate feelings toward the director, the director should be quick to contextualize these reactions in terms of the relationship with God.
A director cannot do this if biases exist in the heart of the director that blind, or stir up shocking or inappropriate feelings in return. The bare heart of the director is his or her best asset, the conduit for prayer. He or she must guard the heart. Again ongoing spiritual direction helps the director maintain growth of their heart. Supervision also offers insight for the director as to where the heart might be blocked or not completely bared to prayerful communication(Barry and Connoly 160).

Conclusion

The roll of the Spiritual Director is an important one. With importance comes great responsibility. The director must be a man or woman of prayer, who prayerfully interacts with people as well as God. He or she must also be continually growing in spiritual giftedness, practicing the unique mixture of gifts the Spirit has granted and developing his or her heart in continued spiritual direction and supervision.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Contemplating the poor.

Christ is in the poor. Even when we recognize that the poor are not in the least Christ-like He is there in their suffering. If God stands in profound solidarity with the poor as the scriptures affirm shouldn’t we as well?

“Solidarity is the social meaning of humility,” writes Dean Brackley. He applies the ancient rules of St. Ignatius to social justice today. “Just as humility leads individuals to all other virtues, humility as solidarity is the foundation of a just society.”

Henri Nouwen wrote of Christ’s “way of downward mobility.” To follow Him we must reject the council of yuppie culture to climb the ladder of success. The witness of Christ and the challenge offered by Nouwen and Brackley lead us to ask questions. “How much should we have? Better to reframe the question,” writes Brackley, “Do we feel at home among the poor? Do they feel comfortable in our homes? Or do our furnishings and possessions make them feel like unimportant people?” (100)

The solution to our global social crisis is not that the poor become rich, which is neither feasible nor desirable, but that the rich join with the poor. The only solution is communities of equals, resisting pyramids of inequity (see Luke 22:25-26). While some economic differences are legitimate, discrimination and misery are not. In communities of equals, personal talents, instead of advancing some at others’ expense, are stewarded for the benefit of all. Authority is a service for the common good (101).
In my graduate work I have been studying spiritual direction. The director meets with people desiring spiritual direction in an attitude of contemplation. He contemplates God and at the same time the directee, and the directee’s relationship with God. One book, The Practice of Spiritual Direction concludes with an observation of where direction and social action meet.

We need to know how God is experienced by the very poor and destitute. A few directors have begun to work with the destitute. The work is still in its very early stages, but where the director’s contemplative attitude is well developed, it seems promising (196).


I dream of one day studying as a cultural anthropologist the ways faith is formed and transmitted from one generation to the next across culture. I imagine joining with the poor working in the world’s coffee plantations and doing the work of contemplation with them, while also finding ways to get them living wages for their crops.

What is God dreaming for the poor? What is he dreaming for you and I to do with Him about poverty?

Finding Christ in the Poor


Christ of the Bread Line

Monday, October 13, 2008

Resistance

Fathers Barry and Connoly take on the resistance that pops up in relationships. This resistance can hinder change and development of the relationship whether this is between men on man and God.

“It is important to remember that these patterns or images organize both our experience of others and our experience of ourselves. Thus, the way we see ourselves in interaction with others is involved. Part of the change that must occur if an intimate relationship is to develop is a change of the self-image, at least in relationship with this intimate person. As I allow the other to be different from my expectations and thus more himself, so too, I allow myself to be different from my ‘ideal self’ and thus more transparent to him. When relationships are allowed to develop, more of oneself and of the other is revealed, and each becomes better able to influence and change the other’s personality patterns. Each takes on for the other a life and a personality that is independent of that other’s expectations, and in the process each takes on for himself a life and personality freed of at least some of the constraints of his own self image” (86).

This reminds me of an Anime I have been watching lately. In Shugo Chara, “All kids hold an egg in their soul, the egg of our hearts, our would be selves, yet unseen.” The plot is interesting as the kids wrestle to find their true selves and strip away the characters they have built to meet others expectations, or to simply cope. Their would be selves are tied up with their dreams and aspirations that so many let die as they grow up. There is a resistance in society and their own lives that crops up to keep this from happening.

In the Brother’s Karamazov, Katerina Ivanovna wonders why her relationship with Dmitri was facing resistance too. He had spent some three thousand rubles she had asked him to send to her sister in Moscow. Now he is ashamed and has sent Alyosha his brother to talk to her.

“He did speak about it, and it’s that more than anything that’s crushing him. He said he had lost his honour and that nothing matters now,” Alyosha answered warmly, feeling a rush of hope in his heart and believing that there really might be a way of escape and salvation for his brother. “But do you know about the money?” he added, and suddenly broke off.

“I’ve known of it a long time; I telegraphed to Moscow to inquire, and heard long ago that the money had not arrived. He hadn’t sent the money, but I said nothing. Last week I learnt that he was still in need of money. My only object in all this was that he should know to whom to turn, and who was his true friend. No, he won’t recognise that I am his truest friend; he won’t know me, and looks on me merely as a woman. I’ve been tormented all the week, trying to think how to prevent him from being ashamed to face me because he spent that three thousand. Let him feel ashamed of himself, let him be ashamed of other people’s knowing, but not of my knowing. He can tell God everything without shame. Why is it he still does not understand how much I am ready to bear for his sake? Why, why doesn’t he know me? How dare he not know me after all that has happened? I want to save him for ever. Let him forget me as his betrothed. And here he fears that he is dishonoured in my eyes. Why, he wasn’t afraid to be open with you, Alexey Fyodorovitch. How is it that I don’t deserve the same?”

The last words she uttered in tears. Tears gushed from her eyes.
For Dmitri there must be that kind of change of self-image that will allow him to talk to talk with unashamed intimacy with his fiancé.

Friday, October 10, 2008

My favorite Spiritual Direction tradition

My class in spiritual direction sparked an interest in me to re-read The Brother's Karamazov. When my first Spiritual Director asked me what I imagined a Spiritual Director was like I thought of Zossima, the staretz from one of my favorite Dostoevsky works.

What was such an elder? An elder was one who took your soul, your will, into his soul and his will. When you choose an elder, you renounce your own will and yield it to him in complete submission, complete self-abnegation. This novitiate, this terrible school of abnegation, is undertaken voluntarily, in the hope of self-conquest, of self-mastery, in order, after a life of obedience, to attain perfect freedom, that is, from self; to escape the lot of those who have lived their whole life without finding their true selves in themselves. This institution of elders is not founded on theory, but was established in the East from the practice of a thousand years. The obligations due to an elder are not the ordinary “obedience” which has always existed in our Russian monasteries. The obligation involves confession to the elder by all who have submitted themselves to him, and to the indissoluble bond between him and them.

The story is told, for instance, that in the early days of Christianity one such novice, failing to fulfil some command laid upon him by his elder, left his monastery in Syria and went to Egypt. There, after great exploits, he was found worthy at last to suffer torture and a martyr’s death for the faith. When the Church, regarding him as a saint, was burying him, suddenly, at the deacon’s exhortation, “Depart all ye unbaptised,” the coffin containing the martyr’s body left its place and was cast forth from the church, and this took place three times. And only at last they learnt that this holy man had broken his vow of obedience and left his elder, and, therefore, could not be forgiven without the elder’s absolution in spite of his great deeds. Only after this could the funeral take place. This, of course, is only an old legend. But here is a recent instance.

A monk was suddenly commanded by his elder to quit Athos, which he loved as a sacred place and a haven of refuge, and to go first to Jerusalem to do homage to the Holy Places and then to go to the north to Siberia: “There is the place for thee and not here.” The monk, overwhelmed with sorrow, went to the Oecumenical Patriarch at Constantinople and besought him to release him from his obedience. But the Patriarch replied that not only was he unable to release him, but there was not and could not be on earth a power which could release him except the elder who had himself laid that duty upon him. In this way the elders are endowed in certain cases with unbounded and inexplicable authority. That is why in many of our monasteries the institution was at first resisted almost to persecution. Meantime the elders immediately began to be highly esteemed among the people. Masses of the ignorant people as well as of distinction flocked, for instance, to the elders of our monastery to confess their doubts, their sins, and their sufferings, and ask for counsel and admonition. Seeing this, the opponents of the elders declared that the sacrament of confession was being arbitrarily and frivolously degraded, though the continual opening of the heart to the elder by the monk or the layman had nothing of the character of the sacrament. In the end, however, the institution of elders has been retained and is becoming established in Russian monasteries. It is true, perhaps, that this instrument which had stood the test of a thousand years for the moral regeneration of a man from slavery to freedom and to moral perfectibility may be a two-edged weapon and it may lead some not to humility and complete self-control but to the most Satanic pride, that is, to bondage and not to freedom.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Pentecostal Spiritual Direction

Dallas Willard told us that everyone has a spiritual formation the question is: what kind of formation will it be? In the same way Moon and Benner’s book Spiritual Direction and the Care of Souls has shown us that every tradition has ways of offering guidance for that formation, though it may not traditionally look like spiritual direction, as we know it.

This is true of the Pentecostal tradition as well. I found the places where McMahan found spiritual direction in my own tradition interesting. I hadn’t thought about it in those terms. (The terms the other authors who write about spiritual direction use make these ideas foreign and in many cases McMahan seems to find it hard to distinguish between pastoral council and spiritual direction.)

I remember many times growing up when the Spirit would talk to us in the midst of a service. Talk about spiritual direction! There he was, the Spirit speaking directly to us. I’ve often wondered why God would choose this method to address us, and why we didn’t take it even more seriously.

Here’s how I remember it happening then: the service would come to a place where it was particularly warm, what I would call today, consolation. Sunday nights were always warmer to me, they were less restricted, or stuffy, no one seemed in a hurry to leave. Often it would happen even before the sermon was given (the sermon would always still be given) when the time of singing was coming to an end and this feeling of consolation was over us. The music would be playing and we’d all be worshipping on our own a sort of melding of voices all expressing the worship of each heart. The voices would rise and fall together, and in some beautiful moments create new harmonies – a new song that would build, as a group and no one knew where it was going or even what language it had become. Then in the midst of this someone would feel a bubbling with in him or her, the Spirit tugging on them to speak out. They didn’t know what they would say, but they yielded and words came out – they spoke out loud sensing that what the Spirit was about was for everyone, they would raise their voice above the rest. As those around them recognized that a voice was standing out, they would hush and soon the whole room would be in hushed, uneasy silence as we waited hearing a message in a language not our own, perhaps not of this earth. The speaker would finish and we would wait. We understood that if this was of God, there would be an interpretation we all could understand. So I would continue my uneasy silence with the rest, listening to the Spirit afraid he might want to use me to bring his message. Then the interpretation would come, in the same way as the message in tongues. I don’t think the interpreter would know what she was going to say ahead of time, perhaps just a phrase or a word would come to her mind and as she said it the Spirit offered more.

There were of course times they would get it wrong, times when you could sense where they left the trail and finished under their own power. The message always had to be weighed against scripture and understood. Then there was the matter of responding. Often it would be something like, “This message was for someone here to night, if you sense it was you take the message to heart and do what it says,” though I wonder if the message wasn’t always for all of us, since it was given to us all and we had to do more wrestling with how it applied to each of us.

Sometimes it would be a comforting reminder that Jesus would come for us soon. Sometimes it was a warning to get our house in order, or to love more fervently.

Sometimes the interpreter would preface the message with “thus saith the Lord…” echoing the words of the prophets in the King James Bible that they undoubtedly loved very much. We pastors usually teach people to offer a little more wiggle room, “I feel the Lord may be saying…” Either way we recognized that the words coming from the voice of God had great authority and importance.

In this way the direction offered by the use of the gifts of the Spirit is like the direction of the Russian Staretz, it can be very directive and authoritative when truly discerned and spoken.

McMahan mentions also the use of testimony (155). From the very beginning of our movement publications spread the testimony of what God was doing in the lives of individuals. The Apostolic Faith was a publication from the Azuza street revivals covering 1906-08. They contain direction in the form of testimonies, instruction and answers to questions. This tradition still continues with Today’s Pentecostal Evangel.

There is a danger of the Spiritual Direction becoming too individual. I think McMahan is wrong to suggest that meeting one on one with a spiritual director increases that danger. The spiritual director as another human member of the body of Christ is a point of contact with the community that can be lacking in the anonymity of the worship service. I dare say every believer finding growth through the charisms (charismata) of the Spirit would do well to find a mature director.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Ignatian Pentecost

Consolation has captured my imagination lately. Dean Brackley in The Call to Discernment writes about how the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises can be used for discernment. I have been experimenting with using consolation and desolation to discern the voice of God leading me.

Simply put, when we are following after God, “It is characteristic of the Holy Spirit to move us to ‘true joy and spiritual delight, taking away all sadness and turmoil induced by the enemy.’ It is characteristic of the enemy to ‘work against this kind of joy and spiritual consolation, introducing false reasons, subtleties, and persistent fallacies’” (135). I have been trying to be more aware of those feelings of joy that are disproportionate with their cause, and follow that consolation as the way God is leading me. Likewise I have paying attention to the feelings of desolation that are disproportionate to cause, trying to track down where that feeling began and address that incursion of the enemy as a departure from what God would lead me. This has been exciting, as I have learned to hear the voice of the Spirit in the sensations of my soul. There are of course dangers in false consolations; I can’t trust my feelings, only my God. So I need much practice in these experiments to learn to tell the difference.

Brackley made an immediate connection to my Pentecostal heritage when he mentioned that the Greek word for this consolation is paraklesis: the very stuff of the Paraklete (one of our favorite names for the Holy Spirit). “The comforter has come!” and it is even by his comfort that we learn to hear his will.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Espresso Excursion

On our recent trip to Petoskey, I made it a point to sample espresso from all the coffee shops I could find on the way.

Java Junction ***
West Branch, MI
Located on the railroad tracks, in a building that used to be a grain elevator, the interior has a quaint cafe feel. White pine mixed with rail and country artifacts. While the atmosphere wasn't what I look for in a coffeehouse, there were plenty of regulars there, of all ages. There was a lot of energy with the guests talking sports or politics, there was a real sense of community that was great to be around. I have concerns about their milk frothing technique, but each of the places I visited I had either a straight shot or an americano so I could comment on the espresso. The espresso here was sharp - a high acidity with a medium body.

Roast and Toast *****
Petoskey, MI
I made a point of stopping here as one of my Barista Exchange friends works there. With big blue neon signage, corrugated steel, and mosaics made of coffee cups, this place has a festive atmosphere to say the least, attracting a generally young, hip crowd. It was a happening place with a brisk trade throughout the afternoon. What really impressed me was that they integrated an extensive lunch and dinner menu with out diminishing their emphasis on coffee. The 'spro was good with a booming body and low acidity.

The Woolly Bugger
****
Charlevoix, MI
This shop in Charlevoix is a satellite of a Harbor Springs roastery. The shop is tiny with one table to sit at. There is an understated fly fishing theme. The run a Rancilio machine, and produce a great 'spro - excellent crema and a balanced flavor. I had a straight shot here. The shop is not geared to coffee-to-stay, and unfortunately my espresso came in a four oz. paper cup. We sat in tight quarters by a mom with two toddlers and had friendly conversation.

Truffles Bakery *
As we walked to the Woolly Bugger, I noticed the bakery next door also served espresso. I wondered how two espresso shops did next to each other, especially with the bakery and additional seating available in this shop. On our way back to our car I thought it would be nice to sample their espresso as well. As soon as I walked to the counter, I told my wife, "oops, lets go." There were red flags sent up that told me that I would not be happy with the espresso here. They had a Rancilio machine like the Wolly Bugger, but the portafilters were sitting cold on top of the machine. On our brisk way out the owner, an exceedingly nice man, asked me what we had come in for and I felt I had to acquiesce and try his stuff. Back at the counter I saw more red flags. He had a nylon tamp (probably came with the machine), at least he had one, but after admiring the tamp in the Woolly Bugger, my stomach twisted. Then he pulled out a Tupperware bowl covered with plastic wrap and scooped out a couple tablespoons of pre-ground espresso beans! I just wanted to pay and get out. He poured the espresso into a 16oz cup and charged me $2.30. He asked me if it was hot enough. I said, "Yes, it is plenty hot," not having the fortitude to tell him that it had no crema, tasted foul, and all things considered, ridiculously overpriced. My first sip, I thought I could handle it. It wasn't too unlike a drip coffee... second sip, I gagged and nearly threw up. The cup lasted all of a half a block to the nearest trash can.

Friday, October 03, 2008

The Assemblies of God Michigan District is the best!

I mean it! This is the best district I have ever been a part of. I really appreciate the forward-thinking, loving and pastoral ways of our leadership. I enjoy every bit of fellowship that we have. Inspired by our leaders, Elaine and I want to become the same kind of pastors. This week while we were on vacation we were able to drop by fellow ministers in Indian River. I wish we had both the courage and opportunity to do more of this. There is a great value to being part of a fellowship. There is oversight and accountability as well as relationship, encouragement and interaction. We need to do all we can to strengthen these ties. Keep up the good work!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Cross in the Woods

At the worlds largest crucifix. 55 ft high made from a redwood tree with a 7 ton crucifix.



rain falls like tears
from your great eyes
consolation
as big as a redwood
seven ton love

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Discernment by Consolation and Quadrilateral

The Wesleyan Quadrilateral seems very logical. It is even very helpful. One thing that I am wrestling with is what happens when one or two voices doesn't agree. For instance the scripture says that I can trust God for my daily bread. The tradition of the church has affirmed this in various ways. But my own experience tells me that my checkbook is empty and that the store doesn't give away bread. My reason tells me that I shouldn't trust God.

In order for my reason and experience to be trusted it must be subordinated to the truth of scripture and the higher reality of God in the face of the reality of this age. My experience must be deep and practiced. In comes Ignatius' rules for discernment. As I practice following the consolation I learn to hear the voice of God. I begin to have an experience I can trust. As I come to recognize the voice of God and the accompanying consolation, come to know God. Then God's ultimate reality will become a factor in my mental equations as I reason.

Tonight I was off on another shopping trip when I was struck suddenly by desolation. This time I recognized that this happens often when I am spending money, and the sense of desolation is surely not proportionate with the cause. I struggled to know why this caused me desolation.

Was it that I shouldn't be spending money?
- no, Elaine was convinced that helping Foster buy a Lightening McQueen bike with his birthday money was in God's hands. A lady even gave us a $5 off coupon in the parking lot on our way into the store.

Was it that I didn't trust God?
- I think that is part of it. I think God may have allowed the desolation to teach me that financial security still has quite a hold on me, but at the same time I don't think that God wants me to go on an unbridled spending spree. That seems so contrary to the witness of the gospels (the prosperity so-called-gospel excepted).

Was it that I was spending so much money on toys for me? Again this year a new computer, feeding new toner to our fancy printer, the iPod touch that I got free with the computer, perhaps all my toys made Foster's toy distasteful to me.
- Elaine reminded me that we do give a lot of money all year long, not to mention the substance of our lives. Even so this one stuck with me.

The Wesleyan Quadrilateral helped me track down when my honeyed consolation turned to desolation. What was God telling me? To trust him, and get my eyes off of myself - whether it be my lack of money or my toys - and put them back on him and others.

Now to test the theory and build my experience. Elaine was driving and pulled up to the drive through at Taco Bell to order me dinner. Unexpectedly the guy on the other side of the speaker asked, "Do wanted to give a dollar to help end world hung--" YES! "--er." And just like that immediately consolation flooded me. Such a small thing, and again the feeling was disproportionate to the cause. We followed the consolation giving a bit more.

Remembering this will give me some thing to stick into my reasoning next time we're out shopping. The quadrilateral is, I think, most powerful when positioned within the Rules for Discernment.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Band of Brothers or On The Lost Arts of Holiness

John Wesley had this idea. He would put the members of the Methodist society into bands. A band had half a dozen people of the same gender, so you’d have like a band of brothers or a band of sisters. These bands were a component of the grand schema to foster a spiritual formation that would create holy Christian, well advanced toward perfect love. The bands created a mutual spiritual direction and accountability. Here we have a practice that we have largely forgotten. Wesley Tracy notes that the Wesleyan tradition has also forgotten (Spiritual Direction and the Care of Souls 122).

I am struck by the concept. It seems in our efforts to create viable small groups the revitalization of these Wesleyan methods would be a good idea and not just for Methodists! The questions that Wesley prescribes for bands to consider are relevant and pointed for today (Spiritual Direction and the Care of Souls 121).
  1. What temptations have you met with?
  2. How were you delivered?
  3. What have you thought, said, or done, of which you doubt whether it be sin or not?
  4. Have you nothing you desire to keep secret?
As are the questions Foster offers for group examen.


I think these questions could fit well into the structure of inductive bible study that we engage in on Sunday nights. The fellowship and connection having been established, it would be a powerful time to explore the deeper life through this group direction.

I love the full on integration intended in the Wesleyan societies, especially including families. I am thinking it would be cool to incorporate some of Wesley’s order for family devotions, which expand on the one from the Book of Common Prayer, with the notable addition of the blessing the parent gives to each child and is never withheld no matter how bad they have been (Spiritual Direction and the Care of Souls 123).

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Listening to God

Vibrations.
Words uttered before time,
Out side of time
Strike the ear of my soul
At just the right time
In the nick of time

You are speaking to me
In the tone of the air
In the timbre of the soul
An angelic voice
Sweet and crystal
Clear bell tone

I hear you around me
Penetrating me - Pervasive
But only gently persuasive
The vibrations pass through me
Like gamma rays
And unseen ways

I hear you when I listen
When I miss you
When I don’t resonate
The crystal goes dead
The tone of my life dying
On my own senses relying

I hear you play your song
On the strings
Of other souls
My heart follows along
Resonating, joining
Undulating, harmonizing,
Strengthening in harmonic bends
As the feedback loops our souls
Back onto you

If we were in charge?

What would the country look like if we (Christians) were in charge? If we had our way with everything what would it look like?

In an interview with The Minnesota Independent, Jeff Sharlet uses her association with the Assemblies of God to paint Sarah Palin as a militant Theocrat.
They actually don’t think they’re theocratic. And they have a way of getting out of that: Theocratic would be if I was a clergy person and sat down and studied the Bible and said, Okay, I’m going to pass this law because in my wisdom, I have seen this in the Bible.

That’s not what they do. They turn themselves over to the spirit. The movement she’s a part of is really holy ghost-powered. What they say is, they’re just being a vessel. A term that a wonky theologian might use is “theo-centric.”
I hope my man Barack Obama, as a man of faith, a man of prayer, would also listen to God. Does that make a person crazy or a theocrat? Does that mean that one has to be militant and intolerant?

Apparently the Assemblies of God is getting a lot of press off of Palin. From the way the A/G is portrayed I wonder 'am I'm in the same church?' I happen to be an Assemblies of God pastor and a democrat supporting Obama. How does that fit the caricature painted in the media? Rich Tatum wrote an introduction to the Assemblies of God for Christianity Today to answer some of the media imprecations.

democrats.com show a video clip from Sarah Palin speaking at a Master's Commission service. Master's Commission is a discipleship program for college age kids to give hands on training for ministry. democrats.com then applies this quote:
If you read the Vision statement (under About), you'll see:
To see young men be men who are not afraid to lead and are violent in their pursuit of righteousness
What exactly does that mean? What kind of violence are the young men being trained and encouraged to engage in?
The website that they reference is not the Assemblies of God Master's Commission but a different discipleship program from Christ Church Kirkland. They seem to have a very different theology. I hope that the wording in their vision statement is simply unfortunate.

Are voices like Sharlet and the "aggressive progressives" at democrats.com right? Is there much to fear?

Perhaps there is some temptation.

We would like things to line up with the Bible, wouldn't we? The temptation is to make the laws of the land the same as the laws of God for living. To make the holy life the only legal life. The religious right is already advocating moral legislation like this. What would it look like taken to the extreme?

Last night Elaine and I watch V for Vendetta. Would the world in which the characters live be what we Christians would create? Would the Koran be banned, owning one a criminal offense? Would homosexuality be made illegal? Would homosexuals be rounded up, imprisoned or killed? What of Justice and Mercy?

Oh God, save us from our distorted view of righteousness. Your ways are higher than our ways, your thoughts are greater. Only you can rule in righteousness with out corruption. Help we, who are progressive, to love mercy even more than change. Help we, who are Christians, to keep love before all else.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Detachment at the Dealership

The loan specialist from Wells Fargo looked at us, his eyes and knit brows conveyed something like, “you’re crazy.” I imagine he thought of us as his own kids and was offering us the help and advice he would offer them.

We had gone to our local car dealership to see what we had won. They had sent out cards to all the postal customers with a prize, we could win a car, at flat screen tv, or a gas card (we won the gas card, odds - 1:1). It was just for fun. We decided while we were there we’d price out some vehicles and see what it would take. Our ’98 Grand Caravan has 194,000 miles on it, so the thought of replacing it has crossed our minds.

As they worked hard to get us into a used Impala, the reality of our budget became clear.

“So basically your ideal monthly payment would be zero…”

“Well that would fit our budget.” Elaine replied. The loan officer shook his head.

“Your van has nearly 200,000 miles on it. You are on borrowed time. What are you going to do when it breaks down. It is really time to think of another car,” he said with a fatherly tone in his voice.

“Well,” Elaine started, “You’re going to think we’re crazy, but God has given us the last four cars we have had, so we figure when this one goes, he’ll give us another one.”

“God’s just going to give you a car?!” And just as if he was frustrated with his children the loan officer found a way out of the room and threw his hands up, no doubt thinking how irresponsible our attitude was.

Well, look at what we make as pastors. There is just no way we could afford a payment and full insurance on a new car. We are completely dependent on God’s provision. He got us into this mess, he’ll get us out of it too.

Mary Albert Darling in The God of intimacy and Action, writes that asceticism when done well helps us to get beyond the things that distract us and allows all the things of the world to “hang lightly on us.” Detachment is a powerful thing. I appreciate that I don’t own the house we live in, it belongs to the church, it is God’s. In a way our car is the same. He gave it to us. It hangs lightly on us. I would like to get the odometer to a quarter of a million miles, but when it finally dies we know God will provide.

Thomas A’Kempis also strikes this chord.
When a man desires a thing too much, he at once becomes ill at ease. A proud and avaricious man never rests, whereas he who is poor and humble of heart lives in a world of peace. An unmortified man is quickly tempted and overcome in small trifling evils; his spirit is weak, in a measure carnal and inclined to sensual things; he can hardly abstain from earthly desires. Hence it makes him sad to forego them; he is quick to anger if reproved. Yet if he satisfies his desires, remorse of conscience overwhelms him because he followed his passions and they did not lead to the peace he sought. True peace of heart, then, is found in resisting passions, not in satisfying them. There is no peace in the carnal man, in the man given to vain attractions, but there is peace in the fervent and spiritual man (Imitation of Christ book 1, chapter 6).
In our experience at the car dealership we tasted both of the conditions A’Kempis speaks about. We were poor and in a place of humility by the grace of God. We are also carnal, and test driving the cars felt good. The assessment of our budget left us feeling depressed - the hopelessness of ever satisfying those desires on our own power.

We are learning detachment to our things and our desires just as Father Fillaret learns it in this clip from the Russian film, “The Island”

Friday, September 12, 2008

The Atonement and Spiritual Direction

In Moon and Benner's book, Spiritual Direction and the Care of Souls, they give a section to Spiritual Direction from various traditions. Gary Temple offers an interesting description of Spiritual Direction in the Episcopal tradition that has me thinking.

I find it interesting that the "snake belly low"* Episcopal churches in America have, in their focus on the Atonement, left out spiritual direction all together (83). Every Thursday I hear from one local Methodist pastor whose congregation has Baptist roots. He has a hard time getting them past their salvation (a product of the blood) to see the importance of sanctification (spiritual formation). He notes that the most cantankerous trouble makers in his congregation often pray "Thank you that you have covered me with your blood," and yet it doesn't seem to amend their lives.

I come from a tradition myself that has a high view of the Atonement, or I should say a tunnel vision view of Atonement. I, too, have seen a reticence among the more evangelistic of my colleagues to see any importance for ministry beyond the salvation altar call. Certainly spiritual direction to many of them would be a foreign concept and a waste of time.

However, Temple offers the way out (94). Couch your high view of the Atonement in a high view of the Incarnation. Now you can appreciate the work of Christ's life as well as his death.

*This was the term used by Anglican retreatants at the Abby while I was on retreat in describing the vast variety in the Anglican Communion, from High Church to low - snake belly low.

Book of Common Prayer: Swiss Army Knife

If the Word of God is a double edged sword then the Book of Common prayer is a Swiss army knife. It is packed with applications. It has every type of service in it that a pastor may need to have, order and liturgy. But in addition it has gadgets that no Episcopal home should be without.

The Catholic Breviary takes four volumes, but packed into just a portion of this volume are the liturgies for the Daily Office, the psalter and a daily lectionary. For the home discipler, there is a liturgy for family or individual devotions and a catechism. You can use a table to figure out when Easter will be, or find a prayer that will collect the thoughts of the day (your pick of modern or high English).

The Anglican church has taken the formation of its people seriously since 1549. The Book of Common prayer, or BCP as those who pack them as folded knives into their pockets call it, has been a powerful tool for seekers and spiritual guides. As Thomas Merton says, liturgy can make it easier to be sincere. Some times even the fastest and loosest among us need a little structure and stricture. The Book of Common prayer has them in abundance.

My copy of the Book of Common Prayer was given to me by Ray Orth a Lutheran Pastor who often fills Episcopal Pulpits. It was given to him by a bishop who plucked it from a pew.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

9/11 reflection

These are times of global social crisis in which many people feel insecure and alone. Our reflections lead to the conclusion that we find security in community. if we seek first the Reign of God and its justice, ours security needs will be met (cf. Matt. 6:23). Both security and community arise from faith and from the praxis of solidarity that replaces unjust relations and institutions with just ones. To be genuine and avoid condescension, solidarity must be humility-in-practice. Like the gospel, Ignatius assigns humility a central role in our lives. For only in its soil can love take root, grow and bear fruit. To be authentic, however, humility must be solidarity.


-Dean Brackley, The Call to Discernment

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Prayer for beginners

Has my time of prayer been a success? How would you answer that? I remember times of sweet consolation, I remember striking out across my grandparents back yard in the dew of the evening, making my way out into the fields: a stop at the creek, a hike by the pasture and a soak in God’s presence in breeze blowing through a stand of elms. I remember finding God in the sunset, and being knocked on my back by the Spirit’s breath. Fathers Barry and Connolly suggest that such touchstone experiences with God, where God is more real to us than the dew soaking our shoes, provide us a standard to recognize authentic spiritual experiences when they come along (The Practice of Spiritual Direction 104).

It is important for us, as we begin our journey into prayer, to recognize that those times don’t always come. They are gracious gifts, and prayer need not be accompanied by them to be authentic or successful. Still it is tempting for us to seek or even manufacture such experiences to feel we are succeeding at prayer.

When I wasn’t on the farm, I didn’t have the same kind of experience with prayer. When I would go to the prayer room on my dorm floor, I could spend some time in prayer, but I couldn’t work myself into a frenzy of powerful prayer the way some others could. I felt my prayer life was weak, and wanted more. I have found my personal times of prayer hit and miss, and when it is more miss than hit, it is easy to fall out of practice.

So what kind of prayer do we recommend to other beginners? Perhaps the “just do it” isn’t the best advice for prayer. The trainer is at the prayer closet door giving the person a pep talk and opening the door and sends them into battle. The door closes and the darkness and solitude envelops and the pray-er goes says everything he wants and all the nice things she can think to say and in three minutes the time in prayer has become a chore.

Paradoxically a form of prayer can help us pray more effectively from the heart. We Pentecostals tend to believe that if our prayers aren’t spontaneous, they are “vain repetition.” But when the beginners, the disciples, asked Jesus to teach them to pray, he gave them a form. The Lord’s prayer is a great place to start, as beginners we can look to each line and find wealth of meaning. Praying the psalms has been a great experience for me these last few years. That is another form called “The Divine Liturgy.”

Thomas Merton has said,
If we compare the sobriety of the liturgy with the rather effusive emotionalism of books of piety which are supposed to help Christians to ‘meditate,’ we can see at once that the liturgical prayer makes sincerity much easier. The liturgy takes man as he is: a sinner who seeks the mercy of God. The book of piety sometimes takes him as he is only on very rare occasions: on fire with exalted and heroic love, ready to lay down his life in martyrdom, or on the point of feeling his heart pierced by the javelin of mystical love. Most of us, unfortunately, are not ready to lay down our lives in martyrdom most days at six o’clock in the morning or whenever our mental prayer may occur, and most of us have little or nothing to do with javelins of mystical love.

I have found that praying the liturgy of the divine office has given me freedom - freedom to invest meaning into the psalm-prayers rather than working myself into an insincere good feeling. To be sure there is a danger for the novice to make this into law. “I must pray all seven hours every day or I fail” (it is strange that doing anything in this spirit is called by our culture doing it ‘religiously’). I have come to appreciate the benefits of catching a single hour in a day, and have learned not to berate myself for missing out.

Other forms of prayer are also good for the beginner to learn, such as centering prayer or the prayer of examen. Tom Trask, at our ordination service, rightly noted that there is a world of difference between saying prayers and praying. Forms of prayer that help us to listen and get us beyond saying our peace to God help to bring real praying to our prayers and to our work.

Monday, September 08, 2008

Sky-Rocket


Mental prayer is therefore something like a sky-rocket. Kindled by a spark of divine love, the soul streaks heavenward in an act of intelligence as clear and direct as the rocket's trail of fire. Grace has released all the deepest energies of our spirit and assists us to climb to new and unsuspected heights. Nevertheless, our own faculties soon reach their limit. The intelligence can climb no higher into the sky. There is a point where the mind bows its fiery trajectory as if to acknowledge its limitations and proclaim the infinite supremacy of the unattainable God.

But it is here that our 'meditation' reaches its climax. Love again takes the initiative and the rocket 'explodes' in a burst of sacrificial praise. Thus love flings out a hundred burning stars, acts of all kinds, expressing everything that is best in man's spirit, and the soul spends itself in drifting fires that glorify the Name of God while they fall earthward and die away in the night wind!

...The contemplation of 'philosophers,' which is merely intellectual speculation on the divine nature as it is reflected in creatures, would be therefore like a sky-rocket that soared into the sky but never went off. The beauty of the rocket is in its 'death,' and the beauty of mental prayer and of mystical contemplation is in the soul's abandonment and total surrender of itself in an outburst of praise in which it spends itself entirely to bear witness to the transcendent goodness of the infinite God. The rest is silence.

- Thomas Merton

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Smells and bells

I love smells and bells! I am not the organized type, I buck structure, perhaps that is why high liturgy has appeal to me, it gives me something I normally lack: discipline.

We protestants are quick to judge Catholics, we grew up with ideas about them. When I first went to some services, I was amazed that any Catholic could be nominal. I found the smells and bells powerful reminders of the mystery. Personality wise they appealed to my imagination and creativity.

But nominal Christians should never surprise us, nor should they cause us to cast nasturtiums on a tradition. They are in fact in every tradition where the culture allows them to comfortably call themselves Christians (the persecuted church has few of these). The practice of infant baptism brings the person in to the church, they can claim that affiliation forever if they wish, and never go to church (not that the church or priest is happy about them doing that). Parents bring their children to be baptized because of cultural tradition and as a form of fire insurance, just in case there is a God, and cross their fingers to the promises they make to bring them up to love God.

Perhaps coming from the outside, with out those cultural impediments allowed me to experience the forms of worship with awe and wonder. Perhaps my experiences with the Spirit allowed me easily to see the forms as full of life, rather than empty religion.

I told the retreatants at the Abby with me, that I wanted to plant a pentecostal church with all the smells and bells. I think they all ready had an inkling that I was crazy.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Taking over the world

I had a dream last night where I was conspiring with some others to take over the world. The discussion started with creating an advertisement for a product every one would want to buy, but the product didn't really exist. Rather their intense desire that could not be fulfilled would render their will ours. Then we thought of creating a wave generator on Antarctica that would hijack the waves of every broadcast radio and TV implanting a subliminal message. When we controlled the world we could finally create a just distribution of wealth. We just had to conspire to supplant the sinful nature of humanity.

The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius begin with a focus on sin in the world. Can we choose to meditate on the injustice and sin that controls this world? Can we look with unblinking eye at our own sin and the systems that we participate in? Can we do this with out hopeless despair and condemnation, but rather find in it the grace of God to live and supplant the system of this world?

Brackely suggests that the role of spiritual formation espoused by the exercises are to bring us into the Reign of God (The Call to Discernment 26). As Dallas Willard notes, this is a Divine Conspiracy to bring the world into the kingdom of God.

All of the great roles of the director as listener, mediator, doctor and the rest my friends and mentors in this class all come down to one thing, making the Kingdom and the King real in the lives and practice of the directees. It is the selfless subversion of the greatest order.

Perhaps being a spiritual director is like being Che Guevara to some one, inspiring them to the revolution, or that could just be the ad for the proletariat green viva barista t-shirt talking!

Friday, August 29, 2008

Day four on retreat, Feast of the beheading of John the Baptist


Today I slept too much. Yesterday I slept every chance I could get. I was feeling a little bad about it. But then the Prior fell asleep during meditation and was snoring loudly.

Father William woke him up after a few minutes. He later said that there is a story in the Benedictine tradition that told of a monk who fell asleep during church and instead of waking him up his superior put his head in his lap so he would sleep more comfortably.

“But,” said father William, “if a straight boy wakes up with his head in another man’s lap he’s not going to sleep well for a while.”

The schedule here must have worn me more than I realized. I couldn’t fall asleep easily last night. I laid in bed from 8:30 to about 10:30 thinking about the Psalm that said, “I lie down and sleep comes immediately” and silently gave God a hard time because that wasn’t the case.

This morning I got up for matins at four and afterwards went back to sleep. I set the alarm to wake me for lauds but I forgot to turn it on.

I slept hard. So hard it hurt. I had bad dreams: one each of Ella and Foster near death. I woke up to find I had missed Lauds, Terse and the Eucharist. The Eucharist!

Part of why I couldn’t get to sleep last night is that I was writing a monastic rule in my head for a pentecostal family order that would have eucharist seven times a day! I love the eucharist!

I said terse from my prayer book in my room and went down to the refectory (the dining hall) for pittance (coffee and cookies).

Father William saw me and said, “Someone made the baby Jesus cry this morning!”

“I cried my self when I realized it,” I replied. From then on the day progressed. My Canadian friends left for home. My love goes with them and my other fellow retreatants.

After dinner tonight I took a row boat out on the small lake. It was half serenity itself and half struggling through rotting peat.

Today was the feast of John the Baptist’s beheading. Happy decapitation! For lunch they broke out some meat! A delicious salmon, mashed potatoes and broccoli. Feast days are special.

Orthodox Spiritual Direction

Here in the monastery library I found a book called, “Spiritual Direction in the Early Christian East,.” It has a forward by Orthodox Bishop Kallistos Ware which discusses the concept of staretz or fathers in the Russian Orthodox tradition.

He describes a “golden chain,” a sort of secondary apostolic succession happening as these spiritual fathers who helped form the disciples of the next generation.

From what he wrote I get the impression that these fathers teneded to be very directive. They administered penance, not, Ware points out, as punishment, but as a doctor prescribing a remedy (xii). In addition to doctor, Ware also uses the images of counsellor, intercessor and mediator.

“Healer, teacher, man of prayer - the spiritual fathers is all these things, and yet he is something more.... anadochos denotes ... standing surety for his obligations” (xxiii).

While the spiritual director in the Orthodox tradition may be more authoritarian one may also expect to be dearly valued by their spiritual director. They stand before God responsible for their directees. They take upon themselves the responsibility of their directees spiritual formation - a kind of cosigner in their covenant with God.

I haven’t had any experience with a directive approach to spiritual direction. I have neither been wounded by it or could speak to its power. Since reading Dostoevski’s accounts of startsi in the Russian Orthodoxy, I have found myself drawn to submitting myself in obedience to a holy man.

Perhaps it is the romance of
Buddhist monks learning martial arts from a wise old master. Or the mystique of the orient and the draw of the hermitage.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

The Focus of Spiritual Direction

When I first started Spiritual direction My director asked me what my conception of a Spiritual Director was. This was well before I began this program and my main example for spiritual direction was Father Zosama in Dostoevsky's “Brothers Karamazov.” I thought of some contemplative who I could submit in obedience, who would stretch me in the practices of devotion and discipline - like a good doctor or gardener will diagnose and treat ailments.

Instead he gently listened to what God was doing in me. He didn’t hold me accountable, though my disciplined life did become stronger.

Still Barry and Conolly’s description of one whose sole purpose is to help me see God’s involvement in my every day life, clarified for me what my director had been doing (Spiritual Direction in Practice 5).

It is that focus, I believe, that distinguishes spiritual direction from the other helping ministries. There is indeed much overlap as the authors note, but singleness of focus on the presence of God in all things provides boundaries for the way the director will respond to any given situation (Spiritual Direction in Practice 142.)

I am reading Barry and Connoly’s Spiritual Direction in Practice here at St. Gregory’s Abby. The compounding of the Divine Office and daily Eucharist in this beautiful setting has me all warm with consolations. So I receive it easily and joyfully that the spiritual director should have “surplus warmth.” In a world which sometimes grants more desolation than consolation it is easily apparent why a warm environment works for spiritual direction. The director his/herself is the representation of Divine consolation. In their presence we are warmed by God, through the gifts he has given them. No wonder Bakke calls directions sessions “a pure gift.”

Spiritual Direction and the ordinary Christian

Thomas Merton suggests that spiritual direction is necessary for those with a vocation as a religious. An argument can be made, and he entertained (Spiritual Direction and Meditation p.14), that all ordinary Christians have a vocation of some kind to use their all for God.

What strikes me is that Merton suggests that the ordinary Christian should, in the course of faithful involvement in church, have their basic needs for spiritual direction met.

Much has changed, even in the Roman Catholic church since Merton wrote this. Private confession is rare. I wonder what we can do as churches to fill the basic needs of spiritual direction that will draw people to a greater intimacy with Christ, where perhaps they will desire a more formal directing relationship. Can we somehow create a community that is mutually supportive, a family of spiritual friends? How do we start?

Yet Merton points out that the general direction afforded by participation in church is “not really what we mean by spiritual direction in the present study” (Spiritual Direction and Meditation p.14).

If the ordinary direction that should be expected as a part of the sacrament isn’t deep enough for those who have a vocation to be a religious, how is it enough for the ordinary Christian? Is it that it has become a more hostile world than it was in Merton’s time? He points out that spiritual fathers and mothers were desperately needed in the danger of the hermit’s desert. Are we face in our cities and affluence less assaulted by demons than the monks who thought the dwelled in the desert? Perhaps to face the powers of hell today one only need visit an industrialized country.

Or is it that the contemplative life - the inner life isn’t for the ordinary Christian? I hope not. I sure hope the ordinary working class folk in my church can taste the depths of Christ, not content to work and struggle and wait for their piece of the pie in the sky by and by. “Man fully alive is the glory of God.”(St. Irenaeus).

Even if the whole life of a person in in their turkeys, God can be found there, perhaps with the help of a director.

Interestingly the Monks here at St. Gregory use Merton's logic to justify their own lack of a spiritual director, their rule creates a structure for the spiritual formation of the men.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Day two on retreat

Thank you, dear God, for your consolations today. I woke up this morning to your stars shining in the sky. I marveled at your creation on the way to the chapel. The sweet smell of the sanctuary greeted me as we who had gathered sat in your presence offering our solemn and subdued praise. In darkness we sat, keeping watch with Christ. Thank you for your continual watch and protection.

As I left in the calm of your presence I saw your stars again. I laid down on a bench and gazed up at them. Thank you for hanging the stars in their place. Thank you for being bigger still. Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for two pieces of toast and a shower. Thank you for the opportunity to pray with a community of brothers twice before the sun rose.

Thank you for eucharist with real wine.

Thank you for work periods of reading with me about spiritual direction. With your presence on my shoulders, your arm around my neck and the smell of frankincense and myrrh still in my senses, the warmth of the spiritual director’s relationship was abundantly clear.

Thank you for lunch and introducing me again to the prayer of examen. I wonder how open I dare be in blogging my prayers and how much I must hide away.

Thank you for seven times today praying the hours to the dulcet chants of the brothers.

Thank you for a bowl of cabbage soup for supper and listening to the history of Hotels in america being read to us.

Thank you for the sweet dreamlike peace you have given me today.

Thank you for the consolations of the animals. The ridiculous sounds of shrieking dear and cackling turkeys; the friendly cats who jump on any available lap, and for the humming bird that visited me.

Still amidst the joy I have felt some disquiet as well. Even as I thanked you that the humiliating events of yesterday didn’t cause me shame - the suggestion that I play the guitar outside didn’t cause me to be at all defensive, that the whole dinning hall was waiting for me to finish an apple before saying a closing prayer, or the fact that my pants had split when I fell over at vespers didn’t even make me blush - but even as I thanked you today for your grace at those times, I felt the empty sting of shame.

As I walked down to the library I passed a young woman, and I noticed an anxiousness. I wanted to be seen as attractive to her. For that reason I felt embarrassed and avoided her.

My thoughts wandered often today, thank you for bringing them back to you. When fatigue and boredom set in (that was a lot of reading!) the feeling of your presence left me. Thank you for being there in spite of my feelings.

I realized when I was first thinking about examen that I spent as much time using the rosary ring I made as I had hoping someone would notice it and ask about it. So I took it off. There was a rosary in the chapel by the statue of your mom. Did miss having it once when I longed for you and didn’t have your likeness to touch.

Thank you for what you have shown me today. Give me grace for tomorrow to live with you and avoid the mistakes and missed opportunities of today. Be with my family at home and bless them. Thank you for bringing Foster and Ella to mind as we prayed compline. I thought of all the times we prayed those psalms together in their room. Maybe next time I’ll chant them. What a nice lullaby.

Pentecostal Foodstuff

“For us, therefore, religious experience is to spiritual direction what foodstuff is to cooking. Without foodstuff there can be no cooking. Without religious experience there can be no spiritual direction” (Spiritual Direction in Practice 8).

Barry and Connoly give the work of spiritual direction as drawing out those times in life when God is interacting with the person they are directing. This means that the directee has to have had some kind of religious experience to draw on. Some prayer to discuss, maybe not even formal prayer, but the opening of the heart to God and experiencing him.

This got me thinking of the conversation I had with Dallas Willard. He wrote that the ecstatic experiences we Pentecostals cherish don’t build character. They are for something else, namely ministering to the body of Christ.

But they do provide religious experiences to draw on. A dutch reformed pastor who is on retreat with me related the story of a friend who went to the Toronto Airport Vineyard church during it’s famous revival. He went with his Ph.D. adviser as a sort of anthropological experiment. He even reluctantly went to be prayed over, being goaded by his adviser to study it. Those praying over him prayed some very specific things (like we experienced when we experimented with Spirit directed prayer during our January retreat). He was even “laid out” by the Spirit.

He now has that experience of the Spirit moving in his life to remember and know that it is real.

Perhaps those goose-bump moments and the excitement they produce do not by themselves develop character, but build faith and become the foodstuff for later spiritual direction.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Day one at St. Gregory’s Abby

I slept some as the train trundled over its tracks, swaying slightly, rocking me. When my eye lids spread apart, my gaze was captured by the mists that hung over the low hills. Young Dawn’s fingers streching out to gild them - making them shine in sacred twilight.

My mind was still cloudy, sleep was a forgotten lover and the day ahead a stranger. My mind all too readily remembered my true love left on the train platform, our children in her arms waving to me. I remember Foster’s body trembling like a leaf after a freight train roared by the waiting passengers, a bully taunting us with its icy wind.

“Daddy, I don’t want to ride on the train any more, All right?”

He couldn’t come this time anyway. This journey was for me alone. Just me and God - a solitary retreat. Do I really want to do this? I asked myself, thinking of home and family. No, I’d go home if I could, but I’m on my way.

A brother from the Abby met me at the train station. If my misapprehension frightened me on the train, his driving taught me to trust God completely.

Today I’ve prayed the hours with the monks. They chant so softly that I am amazed at the breath support required. Times in the chapel are peaceful, so wrought with the presence of the Holy that I shutter, like Foster before the might of the freight train.

The meals are simple an slight. We sit in silence listening to a reader regale us with the history of Hotels in America. That the monks would engage such an unrelated subject, reminded me what I had studied on the train, that Spiritual Direction is about finding God in all things.

After vespers and supper I hiked around the lake with my guitar and a book. I finally settled in the cemetery on a bench. I sang “This is my Father’s World” as wild turkeys and deer circled. As I was reading my book I heard a twig snap and turned to see a young deer looking at me. My face, the flash of my glasses, so startled it that it screamed and ran away. It actually screamed. It would then creep up on me, when it was within about 10 yards it would stare at me and scream repeatedly. It was like a barking dog. It was the strangest thing I have ever seen from a deer.

It is 9:30 and I am going to bed as soon as I pray compline. Matins are at 4:00am!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Parable of the Coffee Shop

My favorite metaphysical image from Leaper by Geoffrey Wood

The parable of the coffee shop shows that the kingdom of heaven is likened unto a man who goes into a coffee shop and orders an espresso.

As the man talks across the counter, the coffee guy makes his coffee and sets the cup and saucer on the counter between them. But the man doesn't drink it; he keeps talking, so the coffee gets cold, useless. The coffee guy pours it out and pulls another, sets it up. The man still can't stop talking. The next one goes bad too. So the coffee guy throws that one out too, makes another. And this goes on see?

You may think you are the coffee guy in the parable, but your not -- you're the espresso. (It's like that in parables.) You're not for you. You're some one else's beverage. And God, the coffee guy, he's going to keep remaking you again and again, as many times as it takes until you are drinkable. God's pulling the shots, and he's got standards.

If God changes you, you'd better change.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Tear me down

Matt Moore's Tear me down provided a sound track to my prayer

Matthew 25:40 - “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’

These words provided the basis for Mother Teresa to see Jesus in the distressing disguise of all those around her. She gave each individual her complete attention as though adoring her saviour.

This thought has combined with another to truly distress me this week. I have written before about how Ed Stetzer spoke at district council and God spoke to me in his words. He convicted me of my distaste for working class culture, my pride and prejudice. For what ever reason, God has placed me in a village of people who worked in factories, and convenience stores and farms, who shop at wallmart and use questionable grammar. I am not in Ann Arbor or Northfield. I am not an Episcopalian or an academic, though my mind and preferences might be at home there. I truly love those He has given me charge over. But can I love their culture? Can I minister effectively with in it? Or do I try to make them enlightened espresso drinking conteplatves?

Enter Mother Teresa. Her unflinching acceptance of the poor of a culture not her own strikes me. Can I? Can I abandon my self, pride, and preference to love Christ in those around me?

I prayed this after noon for that kind of love. I have never been so over come with such unpleasant emotion before, not as an adult any way. I wailed in desperation, I felt nauseous. It was like a child at the end of a tantrum who can no longer cry properly, red-faced, choking and gaging on their tears. If anyone had come into the church then, they would have thought something was not right with me and they would have been right. I’m not sure what it was. Was it my being torn down? Was it a war with some spirit who would have kept me down? Was it the burden for the people? It strikes me now as I write, the cries of agony and the physical pain and nausea were perhaps like Jesus would have felt - in the garden - looking over Jerusalem - on the cross when he said, “I thirst.” It was an utter desperation.

Oh God my I truly see only you in the faces of my village. May I see only you in the distressing disguise of the working poor. May I see only you in walmart. See only your thirsting lips in place of the profane and ungrammatical. Change me, and break me!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Saints of service

At first thought one might place Mother Teresa in the Social Justice stream of Christianity. As I think on her life though, I see a mix of influences, Holiness and Contemplative, but the most predominate being the Incarnational life.

“The Incarnational Stream of Christian life and faith,” says Foster, “focuses upon making present and visible the realm of the invisible spirit. This sacramental way of living addresses the crying need to experience God as truly manifest and notoriously active in daily life” (237).

In his appendix, Foster lists Mother Teresa as an example of Social Justice, but I find her actions more directed toward making the love of God manifest to the poor, making His Kingdom felt, than addressing the underlying causes of injustice. She made this sacramental way of life an entry point to the life of the Spirit and experienced it hand in hand with the contemplative life, calling her sisters “Contemplatives in the wold,” all the while demanding a high standard of holiness, determined to offer saints to Jesus.

Mother Teresa seemed always to hear Jesus calling her beyond herself. From her “second vocation to the poor,” to her abandoning her preferences and comforts to become a world media figure she was growing and stretching always. In her later years she perhaps took so hard a line on holiness she may have bordered on legalism were in not for her persistent love.

Mother Teresa would readily recognize the grace of God in her life from an early age. As young Agnes Bojaxhiu, daughter of Drana, grew up, her mother was a constant source of Formation for her. “At least once a week Drana would visit an old woman who had been abandoned by her family, to take her food an clean her house. She washed and fed and cared for File, an alcoholic woman covered with sores as if she was a small child” (Spink 7). Agnes accompanying her mother to visit File would create a powerful model for her as she later ministered to the poorest of the poor, lonely and forgotten. Her visits to the shrine of the Madonna of Letnice as a child would provide a conteplative basis for her life. She would identify herself always with the contemplative Thérèsa of Lisieux.

She was completely grounded in the institutional Catholic Church, first receiving formation in the Loreto order then creating the Missionaries of Charity as a Catholic Order. She was completely devoted to Catholic orthodoxy and the Pope, yet she ministered to, and cooperated with people from every creed.

Teresa always saw the political workings as the hand of God. She did not get involved in politics except to call for peace and love, trusting the leaders to do their duty in the end. She saw the crumbling of Communism as an opening door to spread tender love to the poor in those lands. Her ministry was not restricted to those who agreed with her, even staunch atheists would cooperate with her in Cuba, the Soviet, and other places.

In a wold of growing affluence and separation from the poor, her ministry to the poorest of the poor as though each one was Jesus in “distressing disguise” was and remains a prophetic word. She did much to proclaim the kingdom of God without preaching or giving an “altar call.”

Is there a difference between a saint and an ordinary person with an extraordinary desire and willingness to serve God? Mother Teresa was in her energy and determination a human dynamo, perhaps an extraordinary human power, but her formation in the selfless way of Christ, her consistent treatment of each individual as Christ in disguise shows her to be a saint. We are all called to such saintliness.

Elaine Martin is another such saint. Her faithfulness and fruit show her devotion to God. Her life of service to people shines as an example of the compassionate life. She grew up in a Lutheran home and appreciated her mother’s efforts to instill in her a spirituality.

It wasn’t until she went through a divorce that she began seeking a deeper relationship with God. Through a divorce support group at a church she found the depths she sought, along with the in-filling of the Spirit. The loneliness of the single life, the pain of divorce and concern for her family has been a challenge for her. She moved back to the Sebewaing area to be with her father before he died, caring for him, and praying him to Christ.

Over the years she has felt God call her to “come along side” individuals needing care and support. She has been a live in aide for many people. As a single woman she is surprised by the way God works, over recent years the people she has been directed to have been men. Sometimes her supportive relationships have raised eyebrows but she has remained faithful to do what God has called her to do.

She is a free spirit, at home anywhere with God. She goes where ever the Spirit directs her, so no one church has had a claim on her, though she lists many that have had a strong impact on her spiritually.

She is a prayer warrior and offers her devotion to God along with the person she is serving. She often makes use of the daily scriptures from the Book of Common Prayer we print in our bulletin, reading and praying with her neighbor each day. She is in her seventies and her neighbor, who she is serving is in his eighties. She remains vigorous and her service and support have been meaningful to me as her pastor.

Mother Teresa also challenges me. The service of the poorest of the poor, not just as though they were Christ, but actually seeing the suffering Christ in them, is a thought is forming and shaping me. I am wrestling lately with how meet the needs of the blue collar culture I am in. Mother Teresa challenges me to love them, though I gravitate to the intellectual and liberal postmodern crowd, she challenges me to see Christ wearing the blue collar garb of the workers in Sebewaing. Lord help me find ways to serve like Elaine and make of me a saint in the mold of Mother, with eyes only for you.